Bald Tires

Hyundai to Open New Plant in Arkansas Exclusively for Hiring 12 Year Olds

FORT SMITH, AR – Hyundai has announced a new manufacturing facility in Arkansas, with the goal of bringing children back into the workforce. The new plant, located in the suburbs of Fort Smith, will be used to boost production numbers of the Santa Fe and Tucson, as well as boost the number of employees still…
Lexus Executive Says Selling LFAs Is Harder Than Overzealous Tesla Enthusiasts Seeing Their Own Reflection

This article was originally published by Peter Holderith on January 20, 2019. Here‘s an archived version of the article. We recently sat down with the Head of Lexus Dealership Operations for North America to get his take on the 3 unsold LFAs still in the United States. Why does he think the supercars are such…
Porsche’s Configurator Breaks Time-Space Continuum, Opening New Dimension Where Mitsubishi Cars are Desirable Again

Scientists from CERN have reported that a wormhole to a new dimension of Earth has formed. The release of the 992 generation of Porsche’s iconic 911 GT3 RS has created an infinite number of configurable models, trims, packages, and features, and the universe has correspondingly been blown to bits. B/T managed to get an exclusive…
End of Production Announced for 2023 Nissan Z as Execs Just Can’t Be Bothered to Make Good Cars Anymore

Nissan has announced the discontinuation of the 2023 Z, according to a report from its headquarters in Yokohama, Japan. The reason? Its legacy no longer aligns with making quality cars, something that was in mortal peril with the new Z. “We fear the Nissan Z is too exciting to represent the Nissan brand in 2023,”…
Dodge RAM Customers Outraged That Giveaway Was For a Stick of Computer Memory

DETROIT – A local Chrysler Dodge Jeep RAM Fiat Alfa Romeo dealership has caused a stir as a result of its latest giveaway, with a prize amounting to a single stick of DDR4 desktop RAM instead of a new pickup truck. According to an irate customer, the contest announced that one lucky winner would get…
People Still Complaining About New Supra In Alternate Universe Where Toyota Just Re-released The Mk IV

This article was originally published by Peter Holderith on January 19, 2019. Here‘s an archived version of the article. After inventing a machine that would take us to a parallel universe, B/T decided to use it to find a universe where Toyota just re-released the Mark IV Supra instead of making a new one. We decided…
GM Insider Says Executives Treat Cadillac Like, “Your frustrated dad treats a malfunctioning printer”

This article was originally posted by Peter Holderith on January 17, 2019. Here‘s an archived version of this article. DETROIT—B/T was at Cadillac headquarters Friday to get information about the new CT6 V. However, the meeting in the small glass conference room veered slightly off topic. “We are upset that the CT6 V is only…
Leaked Dodge Memo Shows Plans for 2035 Dodge Challenger ‘Final Final Bro I Promise This is the Last One’ Scat Pack Hemi 392 Edition

Long live CO2 emissions, eh? In a recent exchange between Dodge CEO Tim Kuniskis and head of design Ralph Gilles, B/T has learned that Dodge will continue producing the Challenger in various special editions until 2035. The lineup will end with the iconic Final Final Bro I Promise This is the Last One Edition, only…
Lexus Announces It Stopped Sales of the RC350 Three Years Ago But No One Noticed

In a surprising move, Lexus officials have announced that the RC350 coupe was actually removed from order books back in 2019, and they didn’t say anything to see how long it took for people to realize it had disappeared. “The RC represented the pinnacle of Lexus standards,” Andrew Gilleland stated in a shareholder brief. “We…
bald.tires is Back! Sort Of

If you can see this page, congratulations! Your internet connection is working, you’ve hopefully got the right prescription of glasses, and the upcoming apocalypse hasn’t interrupted your morning coffee yet. Though it has interrupted bald.tires. You see, this website was originally launched by Peter Holderith (_baldtires on Twitter) back in 2019 as a means to…