After an old article got popular on Reddit again, a user suggested I update you all on why there haven’t been any posts for some time. It’s a pretty simple story so I’ll keep it short. In a nutshell, doing these articles allowed me to get a job as a legitimate auto journalist at The Drive. Over a year ago at this point I joined … Continue reading Why No Posts?
DETROIT — Mishandling yet another new product reveal, General Motors reportedly botched the unveiling of the new Hummer EV on Tuesday evening. Unveiling what critics are referring to as a “product people actually desire and want to purchase,” the Detroit automaker says they will avoid mistakes like this in the future. “With so many dorky electric cars on the market like the Tesla Model Y, … Continue reading GM Botches Hummer EV Launch and Makes Something Actually Desirable
EUGENE, OR — Capturing the gaze of even the most casual observers, a 2004 Winnebago Suncruiser’s side graphics were reported to have transformed the RV’s styling from a dreary snooze festival into an immersive modern art experience. The motorized recreational vehicle drew a small crowd of pedestrians as it came to a stop at a traffic signal. “You can just lose yourself in those flowing … Continue reading Dynamic Side Graphics Transform Bland RV Styling Into Immersive Modern Art Experience
In an interview with Entertainment Weekly on Sunday, Vin Diesel informed the press that the next installment of the Fast and Furious franchise would take a different direction as compared to the latest films in the series. Being more in line with the original movie, Fast 10 will be a shorter, less ambitious film with much lower stakes. “Think of it like an even lighter … Continue reading Back to its Roots: Fast and Furious 10 Just About Shoplifting A Slim Jim From a Central Pennsylvania Sheetz
In a cryptic press release, B/T has learned that Bob Lutz, corporate titan and shade throwing Swiss-American evil genius, plans to electrify his body and upload his consciousness to the GM OnStar instant-response system. GM owners will have the option to speak to a live representative or the computerized incarnation of Lutz. The press release consisted of a gold monogrammed and leather bound pulpit tome … Continue reading Bob Lutz to be Electrified, Consciousness Uploaded to OnStar
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Forced to lock down in its home market, the newly announced BMW M3 Touring was recently denied entry into the United States for its failure to sufficiently cover its front fascia. “This has nothing to do with the pandemic,” said a United States ambassador. “We don’t want to look at it.” The announcement has been met with disappointment among tens of enthusiasts, … Continue reading BMW M3 Touring Denied Entry into U.S. Due to Lack of Face Covering
FREMONT, CA — Symbolizing the exploding vintage Porsche collector market, a discarded two-ply Bounty paper towel that was once used to collect leaking oil from beneath a 1988 Porsche 911 Carrera S in Guards Red sold on Bring a Trailer last night for $65,000 plus site fees. The artifact includes official documentation from Porsche confirming the leaked oil stains on the paper towel indeed came … Continue reading Discarded Paper Towel that Once Absorbed Oil Leaking From a 1988 Porsche 911 Sells on Bring a Trailer for $65,000
DETROIT—Realizing everything the automaker does is in vain, General Motors announced in a press release Tuesday that the brand would no longer be doing anything related to cars ever again. “No, we’re not going out of business. Just don’t come into work tomorrow,” an email blast to the entire staff of the company read. “We’re going to start making pool floats, or pizza, or something. … Continue reading GM Gives Up
Citing a pushback from a Wikipedia article they just read, Ford has announced that the Lincoln brand will soon be no more. The news comes after researchers within Ford Motor Company discovered that President Lincoln, the namesake for the Lincoln brand of automobiles, had no idea what a car was. Not even a clue. “I mean, the closest thing to a car was like a … Continue reading Cancel Culture Strikes Again: Ford to Rename Lincoln After Uncovering Dipshit Former President Didn’t Even Know What Cars Were
“I got it!” exclaimed Jr. Product Manager Jackie Smith while on Jaguar’s quarter product planning meeting Zoom Call. “Can you please mute your dog barking? Ok, thank you. I understand we’re looking to expand our product portfolio, but rather than another hybrid cross-over, what if we just re-release the XF Sportbrake? You know since nobody noticed the uhh first time.” Silence fell over the Zoom … Continue reading Jaguar Plans to Re-Release XF Sportbrake Since Nobody Noticed The First Time
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