Bald Tires

VAG Rumoured to Launch Volkswagen ID.on’tKnowHowtoNameCars

In a bid to increase its electric market share, industry rumour mills have ascertained that Volkswagen plans on launching a new EV sedan and estate called the ID.on’tKnowHowtoNameCars. Complete with an apostrophe, the ID.on’tKnowHowtoNameCars, or ID.’KHtNC for short, will compete against the likes of the Tesla Model S and BYD Han, while also competing against…
Toyota Exec Incredulous 2024 Tacoma Being Changed from the 2005 Model

PLANO, TX – The launch of the all-new 2024 Tacoma has left at least one Toyota executive in a state of disbelief. The fourth generation of the popular midsize pickup truck brings new powertrain options, including both turbocharging and hybridization. This is a notable departure from the previous gen, which introduced absolutely nothing new compared…
Pre-Recession GM Wakes Up Hungover After Crazy Night Of Making HHR SS Panel Van

DETROIT—After a rough night of partying, Pre-Recession GM woke up with a splitting headache and an extremely dry mouth. After taking 2 Aspirin and drinking a quart of water, he checked his cellphone. He had dozens of text and picture messages in his inbox. He opened the first text, from Saab. “I fucking can’t believe…
Porsche Recalls Certain Carrera GT Models Due to Concerns of Safety

Porsche has initiated a recall for Carrera GT models produced between 2004 and 2005. This comes in response to reports that the affected model years had suspension tuning that provided optimal handling at the cost of improved safety.
Preordered F150 Lightnings Actually Just EcoBoost F150s with iPhone Chargers Included

Early customers have discovered that the F150 Lightning isn’t quite what Ford advertised it as. The marque’s hottest new pickup launched for preorders in May 2021, touting over 300 miles of easy driving between pit stops. With looks that retain nearly all of the styling motifs of the standard F150, down to the misaligned headlights,…
Chevrolet and Ford Announce Joint Venture to Build Next Generation Pickup Truck

Chevrolet and Ford have announced a joint venture to build the next generation pickup truck. The new truck will be replacing the bestselling Ford F-Series and Chevrolet Silverado, and will be badge engineered as a Ford or a Chevrolet. While still in the early stages of development, a prototype is expected to be officially revealed…
Hyundai to Open New Plant in Arkansas Exclusively for Hiring 12 Year Olds

FORT SMITH, AR – Hyundai has announced a new manufacturing facility in Arkansas, with the goal of bringing children back into the workforce. The new plant, located in the suburbs of Fort Smith, will be used to boost production numbers of the Santa Fe and Tucson, as well as boost the number of employees still…
Lexus Executive Says Selling LFAs Is Harder Than Overzealous Tesla Enthusiasts Seeing Their Own Reflection

We recently sat down with the Head of Lexus Dealership Operations for North America to get his take on the 3 unsold LFAs still in the United States. Why does he think the supercars are such a tough sell? “Well, I don’t know. It handles great, has a good transmission, it’s a Lexus so it’s…
Porsche’s Configurator Breaks Time-Space Continuum, Opening New Dimension Where Mitsubishi Cars are Desirable Again

Scientists from CERN have reported that a wormhole to a new dimension of Earth has formed. The release of the 992 generation of Porsche’s iconic 911 GT3 RS has created an infinite number of configurable models, trims, packages, and features, and the universe has correspondingly been blown to bits. B/T managed to get an exclusive…
End of Production Announced for 2023 Nissan Z as Execs Just Can’t Be Bothered to Make Good Cars Anymore

Nissan has announced the discontinuation of the 2023 Z, according to a report from its headquarters in Yokohama, Japan. The reason? Its legacy no longer aligns with making quality cars, something that was in mortal peril with the new Z. “We fear the Nissan Z is too exciting to represent the Nissan brand in 2023,”…