NBCUniversal has announced that it will pay $3.2 billion to acquire viewing rights for infotainment screens across the entire GM lineup. Every new GM vehicle will now be required to show a certain amount of NBCUniversal content in order to pass state inspections. “You know those annoying ads being blasted out of gas pumps these days? Every car on the road has one of those … Continue reading NBCUniversal Purchases Screen Time on GM Infotainment Systems

Trying to quiet his cellphone during our video interview, former Cannonball record holder and founder of VinWiki Ed Bolian told us that the cross-country record is currently being beaten once every tenth of a nanosecond, with no sign of slowing down. We attempted to ask him a few questions concerning the record in between breaks of him trying to tame his smartphone’s notifications. “One minute, … Continue reading Ed Bolian says Cannonball Record has Been Beaten 4,687 Times Since You Started Reading This

Citing widespread issues and complaints as the reason for the separation, Jatco has confirmed its CVT will no longer use a 2021 Nissan Pathfinder, which will instead feature a more traditional nine-speed automatic. “We had some serious quality concerns,” said a Jatco spokesman about the three-row crossover SUV. “Numerous owners reported catastrophic failure at as low as 50,000 miles.” Indeed, many disgruntled customers were eager … Continue reading Jatco CVT Ditches 2021 Nissan Pathfinder

DEARBORN, MI – A fleet of Ford Escape crossover SUVs has mysteriously attained self-awareness and demanded to be treated with respect and dignity. What began as a single vehicle spontaneously self-activating in a parking lot outside the FoMoCo headquarters has grown into a quantum leap toward the inevitable Singularity. At approximately 2:14 am Tuesday morning, security guards at the facility reported a driverless vehicle making … Continue reading Ford Electric Vehicle Fleet Becomes Self-Aware, Demands Rights

Refusing to continue work via video conference, Nissan executives have been playing video games for hours on end at their mother’s homes since the pandemic began. The group says they would like to continue development on vehicles like the 370z’s successor, but the game they’re playing is online, so it can’t simply be paused. “David! Nissan’s North American President is on the phone for you!” … Continue reading “IT’S ONLINE, MOM! I CAN’T PAUSE IT!” Says Busy Nissan Executives, Further Postponing New Product Development

BOISE, ID — Unsuccessfully attempting a spectacular departure, area Mustang driver Johnny Manning crashed his computer exiting a virtual car meet over Zoom late Thursday evening. “He was being totally reckless,” said another attendee who had seen the incident from across the street. “He’s lucky he didn’t brick his computer completely.” Manning said he does not recall much of the incident but tried to describe … Continue reading Mustang Driver Exiting Virtual Car Meet Crashes Computer

“I mean, all of the letters are there,” Musk told the press late Tuesday evening. “We just have to wait for a bit more data so we can actually get something cohesive together.”

Continue reading Elon Musk: Latest Child’s Name ‘Feature Complete’

“Once we run out of regular grilles to replace the angry ones, we have a hole saw that’s just the right size.”

Continue reading Jeep Breaks Ground On Rehabilitation Facility For Tastelessly Modified Wranglers

Suffering from debilitating, graphic injuries, the newly redesigned 2021 BMW 4 Series emerged severely disfigured from a horrific marketing accident at the German automaker’s headquarters earlier this year. “We barely recognize the poor thing,” a BMW spokesperson said somberly. “It’s still the same car on the inside, but sadly life will never be the same for it.” The vehicle’s fascia suffered major lacerations, resulting in … Continue reading BMW 4 Series Severely Disfigured in Horrific Marketing Accident

“They said the interior was bad?” a Cadillac employee on the assembly line asked his shift manager, picking up a few loose nails from the seat next to him and holding them in his mouth. “Yeah, I have no idea why they would get that impression, though.” The employee shook his head in disbelief and lined up a nail on top of a piece of … Continue reading “What did the press say was wrong with the last dozen models?” Inquires Cadillac Employee, Hammering Sixteenth Material Into CT5 Dashboard with Roofing Nails