New Silverado HD Features 8 Cameras Including One in Cab for Taking Angry-Looking Facebook Profile Picture

DETROIT, MI — Offering perhaps the most advanced in-car camera system in the entire automotive industry, the redesigned 2020 Chevrolet Silverado HD features a total of eight cameras mounted around the vehicle. The most notable is the camera in the cab, which points at the driver. It is optimized for taking angry photographs that can be used as a Facebook profile picture. “The new Silverado … Continue reading New Silverado HD Features 8 Cameras Including One in Cab for Taking Angry-Looking Facebook Profile Picture

NYIAS Postponed Following Fears Subaru is Going to Put Up that Weird Forest Shit Again

NEW YORK–The organizers of the New York International Auto Show were privately delighted Tuesday afternoon as the global Coronavirus outbreak proved to be an excellent cover for the real basis behind the show’s untimely postponement. A series of leaked emails revealed the actual reason behind the cancellation to be the organization’s growing disapproval of, “that weird-ass forest shit Subaru puts up every year.” The emails–leaked … Continue reading NYIAS Postponed Following Fears Subaru is Going to Put Up that Weird Forest Shit Again

“Wow, that million dollar Aston has no windshield!” Says Local Enthusiast, Deciding between Going Out to Dinner or Paying Rent on-Time

BOSTON–Impressed by Aston Martin’s new million-dollar windshieldless super car–but also in the doghouse after forgetting his girlfriend’s birthday–local enthusiast Todd Simmons is currently making up his mind between mending his tenuous relationship or paying rent. “Wow, look at that” says Simmons, walking down a busy street. “700 horsepower V12…” Simmons feels his stomach grumbling. It’s almost lunchtime. Maybe he should skip this meal, then he … Continue reading “Wow, that million dollar Aston has no windshield!” Says Local Enthusiast, Deciding between Going Out to Dinner or Paying Rent on-Time

Aging Uncle Who ‘Knows You Like Imports’ Sends Facebook Video of New Supra You Saw on YouTube Nine Months Ago

ALTOONA, PENNSYLVANIA–Ever since purchasing a Mitsubishi Eclipse in high school, Uncle Steve has always remembered you like those ‘rice burner’ imports. Whenever there’s a video of a Japanese car in his ’57 Chevy Clone and Tributes’ Facebook group, he sends it to you. “I D RATHER HAVE A CAR MADE WITH REAL AMERICAN STEEL,,,” he posts directly to your Facebook timeline, “BUT THIS THING LOOKS … Continue reading Aging Uncle Who ‘Knows You Like Imports’ Sends Facebook Video of New Supra You Saw on YouTube Nine Months Ago

Cadillac: Lyriq and Celestiq do Private Parties but No Touching and No Pictures

Curious about seeing Cadillac’s brand-new electric models, we sent the Detroit automaker an email on Wednesday inquiring about being granted a viewing. Their response was surprisingly quick, but it contained some terms we didn’t quite expect. We were confused. They wanted us to pay them to see their car? We sent another email but received a similar response. We were interested in seeing their new … Continue reading Cadillac: Lyriq and Celestiq do Private Parties but No Touching and No Pictures

BMW Projects Record Earnings After Teasing New, “We want to die, we hate what we’ve become, don’t buy the new 4 Series” Package for New 4 Series

MUNICH–Simultaneously attempting to hype the release of their new vehicle and end their tortured existence, BMW projected record earnings this quarter after introducing an unusual new trim for the 4 Series. The trim, titled; “We want to die, we hate what we’ve become, don’t buy the new 4 Series” is rather candid with its intended function. It includes massive kidney grilles reaching down to the … Continue reading BMW Projects Record Earnings After Teasing New, “We want to die, we hate what we’ve become, don’t buy the new 4 Series” Package for New 4 Series

Tesla Unveils First Flying Production Car After Elon Musk Jumps Model X off Sick Plywood Ramp He Built with Neighborhood Kids

PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA–Beating other automakers to the punch on the first mass-produced flying car, Elon Musk revealed Tesla’s first stab at aviation in a poorly-shot vertical video posted to Tesla’s website early Tuesday afternoon. The film appears to show a Model X being taken off a crudely constructed ramp at very high speeds. The video has since been taken down, however we have received a … Continue reading Tesla Unveils First Flying Production Car After Elon Musk Jumps Model X off Sick Plywood Ramp He Built with Neighborhood Kids

Cadillac CT6 Successor Released and Discontinued in 32 Minutes

DETROIT–Production of the long-awaited successor to Cadillac’s prehistoric CT6 sedan initiated Tuesday afternoon at an unveiling in one of their factories. The American luxury brand insists that the CT6, with a lifespan of four years, had stuck around for far too long. “The brand new engine and chassis for the CT6 were cool, but they weren’t, like, great, you know?” said our host, Steven, seeming … Continue reading Cadillac CT6 Successor Released and Discontinued in 32 Minutes

Top Five Reasons Why You Should Buy My Mate Rudy’s Vauxhall Corsa 1.6 GSi

My mate Rudy’s gopping wife is making him sell his positively brilliant Corsa GSi. It’s a 2013 model and it’s in great nick. Rudy doesn’t even let his kids in it. Only takes it out on properly dry Sundays for a spin about the country. You want to ring him? Mate, Rudy’s on holiday down in Calais right now. I can tell you more but … Continue reading Top Five Reasons Why You Should Buy My Mate Rudy’s Vauxhall Corsa 1.6 GSi

Toyota: GR Yaris Coming to United States but Only if You Beg for It You Pathetic Piece of Shit

NEW YORK CITY–“Don’t look at me, cretin! I don’t want to be harried by your filth!” said a Toyota of North America executive, draped in Yaris-themed royal garb. He stared-down the media audience as he confidently sauntered through the lavish ceremony. Set in an elegant ballroom in New York City, it was held to gauge stateside interest for the Yaris GR hatchback. The executive wandered … Continue reading Toyota: GR Yaris Coming to United States but Only if You Beg for It You Pathetic Piece of Shit