Local Man Arriving At Work In $1500 E36 Lauded As ‘New Rich’ Bourgeoisie Pig

NEWARK—After purchasing what he describes as “A pretty beat 325 with busted VANOS and a relatively steady oil leak”, local man Stewart Rogers was met with what he describes as “unwarranted controversy” after arriving at work Monday morning. “Well what happened to Stew?” one of his coworkers asked. “He came into work this morning like he just inherited the Federal Reserve.” “Had a big top … Continue reading Local Man Arriving At Work In $1500 E36 Lauded As ‘New Rich’ Bourgeoisie Pig

Atheists And Agnostics Flock To Church, Thanking God For Killing Scion Before They Could Make Fortnite Themed tC

We recently received an anonymous email from a recent convert to Christianity. Thinking it was a mistake, we almost deleted it before reading the body of the text. “I had a few drinks Wednesday night and decided to go to bed early.” “I had an extremely vivid dream, or a nightmare really.” “I was driving down 476 near Allentown. I was in the middle lane.” … Continue reading Atheists And Agnostics Flock To Church, Thanking God For Killing Scion Before They Could Make Fortnite Themed tC

Craigslist Says They’re Adding A, “No you don’t.” Button To All Posts Containing The Words, “I know what I have” On cars+trucks

In an email exchange with the people at Craigslist this afternoon, they clarified a new feature on their website. “Whenever somebody writes, ‘I know what I have’ in the body of their post, the site detects it.” “It then automatically adds a big button to the top of the page that says, ‘No you don’t.’ “By clicking the button, the post gets flagged. You can … Continue reading Craigslist Says They’re Adding A, “No you don’t.” Button To All Posts Containing The Words, “I know what I have” On cars+trucks

Former Ford Employee Says He Had To Come Up With Model Names Starting With E And F At Gunpoint

We recently met with a former Ford employee who prefers to remain anonymous. This is his story. “First day I get there everything seems fine, normal office, people are all nice, it was just like the job description you know? It was great.” When did things start to seem odd? “Well one day I’m working and a guy comes up behind me, starts looking over … Continue reading Former Ford Employee Says He Had To Come Up With Model Names Starting With E And F At Gunpoint

Rabid Enthusiasts Demanding Toyota Make New Sports Car Upset Toyota Making New Sports Car

After hearing a variety of feedback about Toyota’s new sports cars, we sat down with a few Toyota enthusiasts to get the bottom of the controversy. “I mean as soon as you heard BMW was supplying the engines, you knew it was gonna be shit.” “Since when has BMW ever made a good straight 6? When have they ever even made a good chassis?” What … Continue reading Rabid Enthusiasts Demanding Toyota Make New Sports Car Upset Toyota Making New Sports Car

Volkswagen Announces New, “Ditsy College Bimbo” Package For 2019 Jetta

In an email from Volkswagen delivered this morning, they outlined their newest package for the Jetta. They say it’s aimed at, “Dumb sorority girls who don’t know any better”. The email states Volkswagen plans to capitalize on this new market by giving this special edition Jetta a variety of unique features. “The package starts with the color. Only white is available. We decided to have … Continue reading Volkswagen Announces New, “Ditsy College Bimbo” Package For 2019 Jetta

New Mercedes Christmas Commercial Celebrates What It Must Be Like To Piss Away Eighty Grand

During a meeting with Mercedes Benz USA’s marketing division, we were able to discuss what the thought process is behind making their Christmas ads. The meeting began with a slideshow narrated by a marketing executive. “Alright first thing you’ll notice, is that the car somehow ended up in their driveway with the wife never knowing. That’s important.” We quickly asked how that works. “Uhhh who … Continue reading New Mercedes Christmas Commercial Celebrates What It Must Be Like To Piss Away Eighty Grand