Lexus Executive Says Selling LFAs Is Harder Than Overzealous Tesla Enthusiasts Seeing Their Own Reflection

We recently sat down with the Head of Lexus Dealership Operations for North America to get his take on the 3 unsold LFAs still in the United States. Why does he think the supercars are such a tough sell? “Well, I don’t know. It handles great, has a good transmission, it’s a Lexus so it’s super reliable, and it has the best sounding engine ever … Continue reading Lexus Executive Says Selling LFAs Is Harder Than Overzealous Tesla Enthusiasts Seeing Their Own Reflection

People Still Complaining About New Supra In Alternate Universe Where Toyota Just Re-released The Mk IV

After inventing a machine that would take us to a parallel universe, B/T decided to use it to find a universe where Toyota just re-released the Mark IV Supra instead of making a new one. We decided to go on a few Toyota forums to get people’s opinions. One user started, “I’m just confused. Why would they re-release the old one and just call it new? … Continue reading People Still Complaining About New Supra In Alternate Universe Where Toyota Just Re-released The Mk IV

GM Insider Says Executives Treat Cadillac Like, “Your frustrated dad treats a malfunctioning printer”

DETROIT—B/T was at Cadillac headquarters Friday to get information about the new CT6 V. However, the meeting in the small glass conference room veered slightly off topic. “We are upset that the CT6 V is only gonna be limited production,” our host, James said. “But really, we consider ourselves lucky that we were able to do it at-” “You piece of shit!” A voice exclaimed … Continue reading GM Insider Says Executives Treat Cadillac Like, “Your frustrated dad treats a malfunctioning printer”

Jalopnik Is Hiring! Just Bring A Pen And Make Sure You Can Only Breathe Out Of Your Mouth

NEW YORK CITY—Recently the team at B/T got invited to a meeting of the staff writers and editorial board of Jalopnik. We weren’t sure about going, and then when we got there things got worse. Their chief editor asked, “Okay guys, so we’re looking for new stuff to put up this week. What do you guys have?” One of the writers raised her hand. “Okay, … Continue reading Jalopnik Is Hiring! Just Bring A Pen And Make Sure You Can Only Breathe Out Of Your Mouth

Aston Martin Says The Tail Lights On The 2019 Vantage Were Inspired By, “Emilia Clarke’s eyebrows”

GAYDON—After seeing the rear end of the new Aston Martin Vantage, we took a plane to the UK to knock on the door down at Aston’s headquarters. Aston’s chief designer met with us, and showed us his mood board for styling the exterior of the new sports car. “Well you see here we have a cheetah mid-sprint, a Eurofighter Typhoon, an osprey about to strike,” … Continue reading Aston Martin Says The Tail Lights On The 2019 Vantage Were Inspired By, “Emilia Clarke’s eyebrows”

Ford Guys Everywhere Quietly Relieved GT500 Does Not Have 3.5 Liter Ecoboost

DEARBORN—Seeing Ford released the new GT500 yesterday, we hopped on a plane to Dearborn to talk to our friend Derek, the Mustang enthusiast and self proclaimed “Ford guy’s Ford guy”. We asked Derek what he thought about the new GT500. “Well it’s sick! Who cares if there’s no manual. Shits outdated.” We nodded like we agreed with him and continued questioning. So he wasnt worried … Continue reading Ford Guys Everywhere Quietly Relieved GT500 Does Not Have 3.5 Liter Ecoboost

Jeep Says You Want The New Gladiator In The Same Way You Would Probably Have Sex With Helen Mirren

TOLEDO—In a press conference Tuesday, marketing executives at Jeep described the strategy behind selling the new Wrangler pickup. “Look at this thing. You know you want it. It looks hot.” “But we know the problem.” “It’s a Chrysler product.” The man took a brief pause. “Think about it this way.” “You would totally fuck Helen Mirren. Sure, she’s like ninety right? But just look at … Continue reading Jeep Says You Want The New Gladiator In The Same Way You Would Probably Have Sex With Helen Mirren