Author: Peter Holderith

Product design student in Philadelphia, mediocre writer.

Mercedes Kills Smart Brand In US After Realizing It Was A Shitty Car Only Suckers Bought

ATLANTA—Mercedes sent out a press release Monday announcing the Smart brand of vehicles is being discontinued in the United States. We asked for more information about the decision, and were invited to their U.S. Headquarters in Atlanta. “We realized we would have to make a decision after a visit from some of our colleagues from Stuttgart. One of them commented on how large roads and … Continue reading Mercedes Kills Smart Brand In US After Realizing It Was A Shitty Car Only Suckers Bought

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Cadillac Says They Aren’t Putting A V8 In The CT5 Because They Like Keeping People Up At Night

DETROIT—After announcing their new CT5 sports sedan, Cadillac invited us to a tour of the production facilities for the vehicle. We drove out to Detroit to see what was what. As soon as we arrived we asked about a possible performance version. “Well… It’s probably going to happen” Our host said. We asked if he could show us anything from the new performance variant they … Continue reading Cadillac Says They Aren’t Putting A V8 In The CT5 Because They Like Keeping People Up At Night

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Exciting News: Mazda Says You Can Have A Brand New Rotary Sports Car If You Can Design And Build It Yourself

NAGOYA—After inquiring with Mazda about a possible new rotary powered sports car, they invited us to their factory to give us the details. Needless to say we were very excited, and we hopped on a plane to Japan. We arrived at their headquarters and were corralled with what seemed like many other automotive journalists into a large lecture space. As we were being seated a … Continue reading Exciting News: Mazda Says You Can Have A Brand New Rotary Sports Car If You Can Design And Build It Yourself

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BMW Introduces Ranch Scented Climate Control Perfume

In a plan to, “Boost sales to really white people” , BMW has released a variety of new scents for the 7 Series perfume system. We happened to be in a showroom when a possible buyer came into the dealership. We eavesdropped on the conversation as the salesman attempted to charm the middle aged man. After a short conversation, they took a seat in a … Continue reading BMW Introduces Ranch Scented Climate Control Perfume

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New Porsche Buyer Informs Nobody Of His Purchase

B/T received an email Monday detailing a story from a subscriber who’s close friend bought a Porsche. According the subscriber, his friend bought the brand new vehicle and didn’t tell anybody about it. “My buddy James went down to the dealership a few weeks ago and bought a brand new 911 Targa. He was talking for months about getting one and we went there a few … Continue reading New Porsche Buyer Informs Nobody Of His Purchase

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New Study Claims Mustang Owners Turning Off Traction Control Is Riskier Than “Seafood At A Kansas Diner”

NHTSA released a new study Tuesday about the odds of an accident after various sports cars & brands turn off traction control. The results were interesting. “The lowest rate of accidents for any model after traction control was turned off was the Toyota GT86. This was the only sports car we tested to have such low accident rates. After looking into it we realized this … Continue reading New Study Claims Mustang Owners Turning Off Traction Control Is Riskier Than “Seafood At A Kansas Diner”

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