NHTSA released a new study Tuesday about the odds of an accident after various sports cars & brands turn off traction control. The results were interesting. “The lowest rate of accidents for any model after traction control was turned off was the Toyota GT86. This was the only sports car we tested to have such low accident rates. After looking into it we realized this … Continue reading New Study Claims Mustang Owners Turning Off Traction Control Is Riskier Than “Seafood At A Kansas Diner”

Tesla released their new $35k Model 3 two weeks ago after months of promising the vehicle. After the company added the vehicle to their website, we received a press release via email concerning the Model Y. The email claims that they have just made a massive innovation in minimalism, inspired by the livestock industry. “For the new base Model Y, we’ve modified the interior to … Continue reading Tesla Offers Cheapest Model Y With Pile Of Hay For Rear Seats

Continue reading Mercedes Engineers Almost Forget To Remove Block Of Wood From Below Hamilton’s Gas Pedal Before Q3

PARAMUS—Local man Todd Stewart sent us an email Friday recounting an experience he had driving earlier in the week. “I was driving on the parkway towards the Garden State Plaza, with my girlfriend and her friends in the car. They all wanted to go to Bed Bath and Body works or some shit. I just figured I could get cinnamon pretzel. Anyway, I was pulling … Continue reading Area Man Executing Perfect Rev-Match Downshifts Suddenly Aware No One Else In The Car Knows What He’s Doing

DETROIT—With cost-cutting hitting GM hard, media outlets are saying their motorsports division has been seeing the worst of it. To investigate these claims, we went to Detroit. An engineer looked up from his workbench as we opened the door to the shop. It was freezing cold inside. As we walked in he asked us, “You guys here from the magazine? We nodded. “Yeah well just … Continue reading Chevrolet Enters Daytona 24 Hours With Hastily Modified ’01 Cavalier

MUNICH—After watching very funny but disconcerting test footage of BMW’s automatic braking system from the IIHS, the team at BT decided to jet over to Germany to try to find the source of the failure. We met with a team of engineers in a conference room, and they attempted to explain what went wrong. “So our system doesn’t work like the others do.” The man … Continue reading BMW Engineer Says The New X1 Checks If People Deserve It First Before Deciding To Stop Automatically

DEARBORN—At a press conference Wednesday, Ford executives unveiled a brand new gutless, rhombus-shaped, all-wheel-drive piece of shit. We were unfortunately there to get the details. A representative took the stage. “As you well know, we are transitioning out of passenger cars, and into the crossover market. This new vehicle will be the first of many to give our consumers the best possible compromise of everything … Continue reading Ford Announces New Rhombus-Shaped Crossover Piece Of Shit