Steam slowly rises from the cup of coffee on Harald Kruger’s desk. It is the end of the day, but he has been putting this off for too long. “He’s ready for you, sir.” A man walks in. The whiz kid. Hes new. He knows what people want. Harald needs to know what he knows. The man sits down. “How do we market the new … Continue reading BMW Says New 3 Series Inspired By The Feeling Right Before You Click “Attending” On Self Help Seminar RSVP

LOS ANGELES—After acting unofficially in the position for several months, MotorTrend has announced that David Freiburger will become the companies first official whipping boy for the public. Primarily to receive abuse from the internet, exclusively about things he does not control. Freiburger is quoted as saying, “Yeah, any complaint you have about you know, YouTube, the merger with Velocity, the cost of MTOD, just act … Continue reading David Freiburger Officially Takes Position At MotorTrend As Company’s First CAL, Or “Chief Abuse Lightning Rod”

WILMINGTON— B/T was recently granted an interview with former GM CEO Rick Wagoner, and talked with him about what it was like to fully acquire Saab in 2000. “Well you know the Saab guys never really fit in” he said. “Engineers from all of the GM marquees used to eat lunch together in a big cafeteria. Usually there was some good brand diversity. Buick guys … Continue reading Former GM CEO Says Getting Saab To Stop Making Unsellable Cars Was, “Like Coughing At A Sleepover To Get Your Friend To Stop Masturbating”

MUNICH— BMW today announced a new gesture that has been integrated into the ‘Gesture Control’ system of the seven series. This new gesture, which is a middle finger, automatically calls your wife, and starts an argument. The machine takes notes from listening to previous calls with your wife, and the new gesture only actually appears as an option when the decibel level in the vehicle … Continue reading BMW Announces New Middle Finger Gesture Control For Seven Series That Calls Your Wife And Yells At Her

AUBURN HILLS— Dodge had a press event last week for the new 2019 Challenger “Eternal Damnation In A Sea Of Fire”, hosted by Vin Diesel. B/T got the invite so we headed down there. We arrived at the convention center with our ponchos as specified, which seemed strange as the event was indoors, and there was no rain forecast. Vin Diesel soon took the stage. … Continue reading Dodge Unveils New 1000 Horsepower Challenger By Having Vin Diesel Push A Horse Into A Jet Engine

MUNICH—  BMW Announced today a new tool on their website aimed at letting you know when the latest three series will be available with a stick, and for less than four grand. We talked to a representative from BMW to understand how the tool was created. He explained that by adjusting sliders on their website and clicking different options, you can select what kind of … Continue reading BMW Announces New Online Feature To Calculate How Many Years You Will Have To Wait Before You Can Afford Clapped Out, Manual Version Of Latest 3 Series