Bring-A-Trailer User Given Netflix Stand-Up Special After Placing $1,957 Bid On Mercedes-Benz 300SL

GLENDALE, CA — Sourcing yet another example of undiscovered talent, Netflix offered Bring-A-Trailer user ShaneMiller_007 a 2-hour stand-up comedy special after the 27-year-old placed a $1,957 bid on a 1957 Mercedes-Benz 300SL Gullwing listed for auction. “I laughed my ass off,” the seller said. “I had a million-dollar reserve on the car, but I considered lifting it and giving the guy the car because he … Continue reading Bring-A-Trailer User Given Netflix Stand-Up Special After Placing $1,957 Bid On Mercedes-Benz 300SL

Chevy Suburban Only Fourth-Most Facelifted Recipient Of Star On Hollywood Walk Of Fame

LOS ANGELES, CA — Uprooting a longstanding tradition and hierarchy, the Chevrolet Suburban recently became the fourth-most-plasticky recipient of a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. “The top five spots have been uncontested for decades,” said a reporter for the Los Angeles Times. “We predicted a long, long time would pass before someone — or something — with this much plastic inside would get a … Continue reading Chevy Suburban Only Fourth-Most Facelifted Recipient Of Star On Hollywood Walk Of Fame

Report: Automaker Just One Terrible Business Decision Away From Performance Car Of The Decade

Signifying the end of the 2010s with a superlatively performing machine, a report published Tuesday indicated the automotive industry is just one awful business decision away from creating what is expected to be celebrated as the performance car of the decade. “This car will be a hit with auto journalists all over the world,” a reporter said. “They can expect to easily sell fifty of … Continue reading Report: Automaker Just One Terrible Business Decision Away From Performance Car Of The Decade

Study Finds Outgoing Model Better Than Not-Yet-Released Successor

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Providing a scientific basis for a popular perspective, a study conducted at Harvard University concluded that, for all cars, the currently outgoing model is superior to its upcoming replacement. “We initially formed our hypothesis from field observation,” a researcher said. “We noticed a pattern forming: the MK4 and MK5 Supra, the growing Mini Cooper, and the Corvette’s shift to a mid-engined layout.” … Continue reading Study Finds Outgoing Model Better Than Not-Yet-Released Successor

Tesla Unveils World’s First Pyramid Shaped Pyramid Scheme

LOS ANGELES– Surprising everybody and absolutely nobody at the same time, Tesla unveiled their new “Cybertruck” Thursday night and announced they would be taking $100 reservations. This seemed appropriate for the California company, who has previously been known to partake in selling things that may or may not actually exist. When we asked Elon Musk for comment about shaping their vehicle like a pyramid, he … Continue reading Tesla Unveils World’s First Pyramid Shaped Pyramid Scheme

Toyota Adds Left Lane Keep Assist To Prius

LOS ANGELES, CA — Making great strides in autonomous vehicle technology, Toyota announced at the Los Angeles auto show the Prius will now include a feature that helps drivers avoid venturing out of the left lane. “The system scans the road ahead and determines if there is an available lane to the driver’s left side,” a spokesperson said. “If a faster vehicle is approaching, it … Continue reading Toyota Adds Left Lane Keep Assist To Prius

Time-Traveling Cyborg Returns From 2056 To Warn Humanity of Toyota Tundra’s 23rd Mid-Cycle Refresh

SAN ANTONIO, TX — Spontaneously appearing from an infinitely bright ball of light and electricity, a human-machine hybrid reportedly arrived yesterday from three decades in the future with grim news that the Toyota Tundra still had yet to undergo a redesign. “He just appeared out of nowhere.” a witness said, trembling. “He was butt-naked.” The witness said the cyborg approached him and demanded to know … Continue reading Time-Traveling Cyborg Returns From 2056 To Warn Humanity of Toyota Tundra’s 23rd Mid-Cycle Refresh

Ferrari Unveils Limited-Edition Hypercar You Can’t Buy Unless You Own Five Other Collector Ferraris And Kidnap Toto Wolff

MARANELLO– In an effort to maintain the exclusivity of their brand, Ferrari revealed a track-only, ultra-high-performance supercar on Monday. The Italian marque says it is only available to customers who currently own five of the company’s most collectible models, and sign an agreement that they will kidnap Mercedes F1 boss Toto Wolff and bring him safely to Ferrari’s headquarters. “This vehicle is intended for purchase … Continue reading Ferrari Unveils Limited-Edition Hypercar You Can’t Buy Unless You Own Five Other Collector Ferraris And Kidnap Toto Wolff

Audi Issues Cease And Desist Order Against GMC For “Tailgate Like A Pro” Ad Campaign

HERNDON, VA — Protecting their valuable intellectual property, Audi have reportedly issued a ‘cease and desist’ order against GMC for their “Tailgate Like A Pro” slogan featured in recent Sierra advertisements. “We will not tolerate the unauthorized usage of any form of the word ‘tailgate’ by other automakers,” said an in-house Audi attorney. “It is an integral, proprietary part of our brand identity.” GMC publicly … Continue reading Audi Issues Cease And Desist Order Against GMC For “Tailgate Like A Pro” Ad Campaign

Porsche Clarifies Base Taycan, Ten Thousand AAA Batteries Sold Separately

ATLANTA, GA — Complying with federal disclaimer requirements, Porsche issued a statement Wednesday that the ten thousand AAA batteries required to power the base Taycan are not included with purchase, but rather sold separately. “This decision allows us to keep prices down,” a Porsche spokesperson said. “The additional weight of the batteries would have caused shipping costs to skyrocket.” The spokesperson confirmed more upmarket trim … Continue reading Porsche Clarifies Base Taycan, Ten Thousand AAA Batteries Sold Separately