Discarded Paper Towel that Once Absorbed Oil Leaking From a 1988 Porsche 911 Sells on Bring a Trailer for $65,000

FREMONT, CA — Symbolizing the exploding vintage Porsche collector market, a discarded two-ply Bounty paper towel that was once used to collect leaking oil from beneath a 1988 Porsche 911 Carrera S in Guards Red sold on Bring a Trailer last night for $65,000 plus site fees. The artifact includes official documentation from Porsche confirming the leaked oil stains on the paper towel indeed came … Continue reading Discarded Paper Towel that Once Absorbed Oil Leaking From a 1988 Porsche 911 Sells on Bring a Trailer for $65,000

Scientists Struggle to Find Missing Link in Evolutionary Chain Between Nissan IDX Concept, Everything They Actually Make

Perplexed by a gaping hole in the evolutionary tree, scientists worldwide are reportedly struggling to find the missing link between the Nissan IDx concept car from 2013 and everything the automaker currently sells a mere seven years later. “The models of today exhibit a massive departure from the traits of the IDx,” said a researcher, staring intently at a test tube. “We have proposed many … Continue reading Scientists Struggle to Find Missing Link in Evolutionary Chain Between Nissan IDX Concept, Everything They Actually Make

Ford Insists Scheduling Bronco Debut on O.J. Simpson’s Birthday Was Not Strategy to Further Postpone Long-Anticipated Launch

DETROIT — Defending themselves from allegations of insensitivity to cultural concerns, Ford announced last Saturday they have postponed the launch of the hotly anticipated new Bronco to a few days after O.J. Simpson’s birthday, and that they “swear we didn’t do this just to push the launch back more.” The announcement comes after repeated, substantial pushback of the Bronco’s reveal date. Issues ranging from the … Continue reading Ford Insists Scheduling Bronco Debut on O.J. Simpson’s Birthday Was Not Strategy to Further Postpone Long-Anticipated Launch

Lexus Debuts Hotly Anticipated 2014 IS

Showing off their latest entry in the decreasingly popular compact luxury sport sedan niche from seven years ago, Lexus unveiled their all-new 2014 IS sedan on Tuesday in a low-resolution Skype call. “Apologies for the delay — forgot my damn password,” said a spokesman at 8:14 P.M., fourteen minutes past the event’s scheduled start time. “Also, sorry if you can’t hear anything. My Internet connection … Continue reading Lexus Debuts Hotly Anticipated 2014 IS

Jatco CVT Ditches 2021 Nissan Pathfinder

Citing widespread issues and complaints as the reason for the separation, Jatco has confirmed its CVT will no longer use a 2021 Nissan Pathfinder, which will instead feature a more traditional nine-speed automatic. “We had some serious quality concerns,” said a Jatco spokesman about the three-row crossover SUV. “Numerous owners reported catastrophic failure at as low as 50,000 miles.” Indeed, many disgruntled customers were eager … Continue reading Jatco CVT Ditches 2021 Nissan Pathfinder

Mustang Driver Exiting Virtual Car Meet Crashes Computer

BOISE, ID — Unsuccessfully attempting a spectacular departure, area Mustang driver Johnny Manning crashed his computer exiting a virtual car meet over Zoom late Thursday evening. “He was being totally reckless,” said another attendee who had seen the incident from across the street. “He’s lucky he didn’t brick his computer completely.” Manning said he does not recall much of the incident but tried to describe … Continue reading Mustang Driver Exiting Virtual Car Meet Crashes Computer

BMW 4 Series Severely Disfigured in Horrific Marketing Accident

Suffering from debilitating, graphic injuries, the newly redesigned 2021 BMW 4 Series emerged severely disfigured from a horrific marketing accident at the German automaker’s headquarters earlier this year. “We barely recognize the poor thing,” a BMW spokesperson said somberly. “It’s still the same car on the inside, but sadly life will never be the same for it.” The vehicle’s fascia suffered major lacerations, resulting in … Continue reading BMW 4 Series Severely Disfigured in Horrific Marketing Accident

Nation Asks Murano CrossCabriolet Owners for Help Coping with Prolonged Social Isolation

Struggling to adjust to the current realities of daily life, the United States of America has collectively turned to a peculiar subset of its population–owners of Nissan Murano CrossCabriolets–for help coping with prolonged isolation from friends, peers, and loved ones. “We have to trust the experts,” a C.D.C. spokesperson said fervently. “These essential members of our society have far more experience with isolation and social … Continue reading Nation Asks Murano CrossCabriolet Owners for Help Coping with Prolonged Social Isolation

Porsche Offers to Delay Payments for New Vehicles for as Long as Six Minutes

Offering incentives for customers affected by the pandemic to purchase the brand’s current offerings, Porsche announced Friday they are offering delayed payment plans on all new in-stock models for a period of up to six minutes from the date of acquisition. We spoke with local orthodontist Glenn Owens, who recently took advantage of the promotion. “I’ve been wanting a 911 for about 50 years now,” … Continue reading Porsche Offers to Delay Payments for New Vehicles for as Long as Six Minutes

Trump Administration Sends Relief Checks to Every American Except that Guy who Paid Over Three Hundred Grand for a 240Z

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Providing financial relief for economically displaced workers, the Trump administration confirmed last week it will send a check to several million Americans. That is, every American except one man who recently purchased a 1971 Datsun 240Z for a whopping $310,000. “This decision shows a level of fiscal irresponsibility unlike anything we’ve ever seen,” said president Trump. “You have the crash of 2008, … Continue reading Trump Administration Sends Relief Checks to Every American Except that Guy who Paid Over Three Hundred Grand for a 240Z