In a cryptic press release, B/T has learned that Bob Lutz, corporate titan and shade throwing Swiss-American evil genius, plans to electrify his body and upload his consciousness to the GM OnStar instant-response system. GM owners will have the option to speak to a live representative or the computerized incarnation of Lutz. The press release consisted of a gold monogrammed and leather bound pulpit tome … Continue reading Bob Lutz to be Electrified, Consciousness Uploaded to OnStar

NBCUniversal has announced that it will pay $3.2 billion to acquire viewing rights for infotainment screens across the entire GM lineup. Every new GM vehicle will now be required to show a certain amount of NBCUniversal content in order to pass state inspections. “You know those annoying ads being blasted out of gas pumps these days? Every car on the road has one of those … Continue reading NBCUniversal Purchases Screen Time on GM Infotainment Systems

DEARBORN, MI – A fleet of Ford Escape crossover SUVs has mysteriously attained self-awareness and demanded to be treated with respect and dignity. What began as a single vehicle spontaneously self-activating in a parking lot outside the FoMoCo headquarters has grown into a quantum leap toward the inevitable Singularity. At approximately 2:14 am Tuesday morning, security guards at the facility reported a driverless vehicle making … Continue reading Ford Electric Vehicle Fleet Becomes Self-Aware, Demands Rights

Ken Block has found another angle to his tried and true Gymkhana videos, and plans to take his 2800 hp Pratt & Whitney radial engine powered Renault Twingo into a radioactive zone. To add to the drama, the area is currently under the control of armed Russian separatists. We asked Block, now 77 years old, if he thought he could ever push the envelope too … Continue reading Ken Block’s Gym/Climb/Ski/Run-Khana 43 Under Production at Abandoned Russian Village Inside Chernobyl Exclusion Zone

DEARBORN, MI–Thousands of elderly Ford Mustang owners are reacting violently to the news that Ford will produce an electric crossover variant of their iconic pony car. A small group of octogenarian Mustang enthusiasts began rioting outside the headquarters of FoMoCo in Dearborn, MI. The violence intensified overnight as photos of the Ford Mustang Lithium, a 900 hp electric show car built for SEMA, appeared on … Continue reading Dearborn Retirement Homes Take to the Streets After Ford’s EV Betrayal

Honda announced this week that it will start offering free listless apathy with the purchase of any new CR-V. We asked Honda to elaborate on a half-finished press release, but the press representative we spoke with seemed totally uninterested as they described the new “sea of beige” package being offered. “We know who buys these things… We thought we’d just cut to the chase and … Continue reading Honda Dealerships Offering Free Listless Apathy With Purchase Of New CR-V

Mitsubishi went to some dark places when looking for inspiration for the next generation Mirage, says Mitsubishi chief designer Alessandro Dambrosio. B/T had the chance to catch up with Alessandro recently over black coffee and dry toast. His appearance was disheveled with an air of desperate helplessness. When we asked how the new Mirage was coming along, he went on to explain the apathy and … Continue reading Mitsubishi Says Next Gen Mirage Inspired By That Pile of Disgusting Black Snow On The Shoulder Of The Interstate Still Lingering Thirteen Days After A Blizzard

Toyota announced on Tuesday that it will begin accepting first-born children as a down payment for the all-new Z4-based Supra.  “The program will accept only male children of adequate size and weight,” said Ed Laukes, Toyota’s North American VP of Marketing.  “While we are considering accepting female children, the BMI specs would be more stringent.”  “Perhaps we could offer a 2-for-1 deal.”  As expected, the … Continue reading Toyota To Accept First Born As Down Payment For New Supra