Invoking Defense Production Act, Trump Orders GM to Start Manufacturing Altoids Mango Sours

DETROIT, MI – On Friday, using his authority under the 1950 Defense Production Act, President Donald Trump ordered the General Motors to start producing “Altoids Mango Sours,” a candy discontinued in 2010. The president tweeted: “Altoids stopped making Sours even though people loved them. WHY? Maybe Mary B. at GM can stop spending money on USELESS, POLLUTING ELECTRIC BATTERIES and use their tremendous factories to … Continue reading Invoking Defense Production Act, Trump Orders GM to Start Manufacturing Altoids Mango Sours

J.D. Power & Associates Warns, “It’s not funny” to Survey Participant who Answered Every Question with “1947 Studebaker Commander”

TROY, MI.–The company famous as the subject of thousands of Toyota Camry commercials has issued a public warning to an unruly survey participant. Filling out the rankings for “Best Car 2020,” Ron Pittman of Shippingport, PA allegedly wrote “1949 Studebaker Commander” as the answer for every single question. J.D. Power was not amused. “These rankings–especially those pertaining to initial quality and reliability–must be taken seriously,” … Continue reading J.D. Power & Associates Warns, “It’s not funny” to Survey Participant who Answered Every Question with “1947 Studebaker Commander”

Aging Uncle Who ‘Knows You Like Imports’ Sends Facebook Video of New Supra You Saw on YouTube Nine Months Ago

ALTOONA, PENNSYLVANIA–Ever since purchasing a Mitsubishi Eclipse in high school, Uncle Steve has always remembered you like those ‘rice burner’ imports. Whenever there’s a video of a Japanese car in his ’57 Chevy Clone and Tributes’ Facebook group, he sends it to you. “I D RATHER HAVE A CAR MADE WITH REAL AMERICAN STEEL,,,” he posts directly to your Facebook timeline, “BUT THIS THING LOOKS … Continue reading Aging Uncle Who ‘Knows You Like Imports’ Sends Facebook Video of New Supra You Saw on YouTube Nine Months Ago