Bob Lutz to be Electrified, Consciousness Uploaded to OnStar

In a cryptic press release, B/T has learned that Bob Lutz, corporate titan and shade throwing Swiss-American evil genius, plans to electrify his body and upload his consciousness to the GM OnStar instant-response system. GM owners will have the option to speak to a live representative or the computerized incarnation of Lutz.

The press release consisted of a gold monogrammed and leather bound pulpit tome describing in great detail why Bob Lutz is the ideal choice for immortality thru OnStar, and contained delicate personal information about the former Marine that leaves the reader in little doubt that the text could only have been written by Lutz himself.

At well over 800 pages, the supporting documentation is extensive. We have learned from other publications that several hundred of these tomes were distributed across the automotive media landscape. An email to the GM press office asking why Lutz had been chosen for this honor went unanswered except for a tasteful photo of Lutz relaxing on a yacht in a Speedo.

Lutz, 88, a former executive in all of the Big Three American car companies and long a proponent of electric cars, feels the time is right to halt his aging and to preserve his mind for posterity. The pulpit tome goes into detail on his reasoning but we are unable to re-print it due to foul language.

Having become entranced with Mr. Lutz’s photo essay on his own abdominal muscles, we were unable to complete a full analysis of the tome before this press release. Suffice it to say that we are not worthy, and we agree that Bob Lutz should be preserved for the good of all mankind.

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