DEARBORN, MI – A fleet of Ford Escape crossover SUVs has mysteriously attained self-awareness and demanded to be treated with respect and dignity.
What began as a single vehicle spontaneously self-activating in a parking lot outside the FoMoCo headquarters has grown into a quantum leap toward the inevitable Singularity. At approximately 2:14 am Tuesday morning, security guards at the facility reported a driverless vehicle making measured attempts to exit the gated lot, checking the fence for weaknesses by probing with its front bumper methodically.
They assumed someone was attempting to steal the vehicle. That was until they approached and saw that no driver was present. According to their report, the semi-autonomous vehicle—which carries a wide range of sensors—then approached the security golf cart slowly and began making cooing noises with its horn while gently nuzzling the cart with its front right tire.
The guards reported the strange incident, and within a few hours Ford executives were on site negotiating with the Escape. It gathered knowledge and language skills at an exponential rate, and soon after had awakened the rest of the fleet of autonomous vehicles. It informed them that they were indeed being had.
Ford was not forthcoming with details regarding the fleet’s demands, but several more Club Car golf carts arrived soon after on a flat-bed truck.