“IT’S ONLINE, MOM! I CAN’T PAUSE IT!” Says Busy Nissan Executives, Further Postponing New Product Development

Refusing to continue work via video conference, Nissan executives have been playing video games for hours on end at their mother’s homes since the pandemic began. The group says they would like to continue development on vehicles like the 370z’s successor, but the game they’re playing is online, so it can’t simply be paused.

“David! Nissan’s North American President is on the phone for you!” David’s mother called from the top of the basement stairs.

The executive continued rattling the thumb sticks on his controller, briefly removing one ear from inside his massive studio headphones.

“Mom! I already told you! I can’t pause! Tell him he has to wait!”

His mother sighed, and told the person on the other end of the line he would have to call back.

This sudden gaming addiction has not just struck this executive. Reports indicate dozens of Nissan higher-ups from all over the world have been in the same Halo 3 lobby for several weeks, only taking breaks to accept deliveries of chicken nuggets and orange juice from their mothers or spouses.

Although this situation is expected to wind down as the world recovers from the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s still unclear whether some member’s of Nissan’s senior staff will recover.

“David has been in the basement for weeks now, and the only word I’ve heard him say with any urgency is ‘scrub’,” she told us.

“I think he’s happy, though. I’m not sure he’s going to want to go back to his responsibilities once this is all over.”

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