BOISE, ID — Unsuccessfully attempting a spectacular departure, area Mustang driver Johnny Manning crashed his computer exiting a virtual car meet over Zoom late Thursday evening.
“He was being totally reckless,” said another attendee who had seen the incident from across the street. “He’s lucky he didn’t brick his computer completely.”
Manning said he does not recall much of the incident but tried to describe how it transpired.
“It all happened so fast. I took a swig of my Monster, turned on some old Linkin Park, and next thing I knew—bluescreen.”
Smoke billowed from the scorched motherboard. Much of the machine’s hardware remained intact, but several JPEG files of painted engine covers tragically perished in the crash.
When asked to identify the casualties, Manning became defensive.
“That’s…uh, some private shit, bro.”
Shortly after the incident, special agents in a New Beetle with Geek Squad livery arrived to investigate dressed in ill-fitting blue polo shirts.
“Mr. Manning attempted to access the ‘bodybuilding.com’ forum without exiting the Zoom application,” said one of the agents nasally. “This caused the CPU to get well over 100 degrees Celsius, ultimately resulting in overheating and a crash.”
At press time, a proposed local ordinance has sought to station a Geek Squad agent at the exit of every virtual car meet to prevent similar incidents. In the meantime, access to bodybuilding and tattoo sleeve websites has been suspended on Manning’s local ISP.