Despite the global Coronavirus pandemic, Jeep appears to be going ahead with their plans to open a rehab center for horrendously modified Wranglers. The center will eventually unmodify any model year of the popular off-road vehicle, but FCA tells us they will concentrate on late model cars for now.
“We’ve stocked thousands of spare parts in preparation for the facility’s opening. Once we run out of regular grilles to replace the angry ones, we have a hole saw that’s just the right size.”
Jeep says that now is the best time to send vehicles in for rehab, while they are for the most part not being driven. They’re asking worried spouses and family members to report the cars of their loved ones to be selected.
“Tell your boyfriend or husband that there’s a sale for fake beadlock wheels online. Say you forget what website it was so he has to search for it. When he’s busy searching, text the hotline your address and leave the keys on the hood.”
Jeep tells us that from there, the car will be sent to their facility in the central United States (they did not give an address) where the offending parts will be removed.
“We’re gonna make a huge pile of light bars and taillight covers. Then we’re gonna set it on fire as an offering to god, so that he may forgive us for our sins.”
Although this solution may seem extreme, Jeep’s parent company says it’s going to happen one way or another.
“Around December were just going to send out a recall for some random bullshit and then unmodify the cars at dealerships. We’ll add up the cash value of the parts removed and give the driver none of it. It was a waste anyway and we want them to understand that.”