Suffering from debilitating, graphic injuries, the newly redesigned 2021 BMW 4 Series emerged severely disfigured from a horrific marketing accident at the German automaker’s headquarters earlier this year.
“We barely recognize the poor thing,” a BMW spokesperson said somberly. “It’s still the same car on the inside, but sadly life will never be the same for it.”
The vehicle’s fascia suffered major lacerations, resulting in conspicuous scars adjacent to its headlamps and a swollen lip in the center of its now perpetually agape mouth.
The vehicle’s posture was also affected, a slouch now evident in its rather lazy stance.
“Please refrain from prolonged staring,” said the man, holding back tears. “We urge those with young or sensitive children to discuss the matter in private.”
The car also attempted to speak with us, its eyes examining our recording equipment from under its protruding forehead, but sadly we were unable to discern what it wished to convey.
BMW has stated they have entertained the possibility of reconstructive surgery, but fear the process is too invasive and costly to be feasible.