“What did the press say was wrong with the last dozen models?” Inquires Cadillac Employee, Hammering Sixteenth Material Into CT5 Dashboard with Roofing Nails

“They said the interior was bad?” a Cadillac employee on the assembly line asked his shift manager, picking up a few loose nails from the seat next to him and holding them in his mouth.

“Yeah, I have no idea why they would get that impression, though.”

The employee shook his head in disbelief and lined up a nail on top of a piece of fake plastic wood. He set the nail with a few light taps and then hammered it home, bruising the surface of the wood with his final strike. He ran his finger over it, shrugged, and removed another nail from between his teeth.

The shift manager checked a box on his clipboard and looked back up at the worker. “I mean, we got the interior down pat since the CTS, right? There haven’t been any complaints or recalls.”

The worker shrugged again, picking up a piece of piano black trim to affix around the infotainment screen. He placed the trim in the correct orientation, and once again set a nail carefully in place.

“Hey, hey Jerry. Look. Watch this shit. One hit.”

The worker slammed the hammer down onto the nail, but it glanced off and shattered the adjacent display. The shift manager checked the “nav screen trim installed” box and glanced up at the worker, frustrated.

“Great, Rich. Now we have to use two nails. Come on.”

Rich apologized and hammered another nail into the trim, this time more carefully. After delicately nailing the following 13 materials onto the dash without a single incident, Rich finally got to the final one; a piece of carbon fiber that had no business anywhere in the interior.

He lined up the nail carefully, and gave it a few heavy strikes. As the hammer came down for it’s final blow, it hit the head off center, bending the nail at a 90 degree angle. He looked back at Jerry, who looked back at him. After a moment of tension, Rich turned to the disfigured nail, raised his hammer, and banged it into the piece of carbon fiber sideways. After a few more hits to ensure the top half of the nail was properly embedded in the surface, he wiped a bead of sweat from his brow and stepped out of the vehicle.

“Phew. That was a close one. Almost had to pull that thing out of there.”

Jerry checked the final box on his clipboard and set it down on a nearby table.

“Yeah I’m sure we’ll get that one next time.”

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