In a conference call with the press early Wednesday morning, a representative from Mazda addressed rumors concerning their new rotary engine. With some reports saying it will power a car directly–while others say it’s just a range extender for EVs–the engine’s purpose and existence is still a mystery.
“Yeah, woah. I’m so sorry you guys are so confused about that.” said Brad, the newly-hired PR rep from Mazda NA. “Back at UTampa a few months ago I learned in some marketing class that it’s important to be honest with like, journalists, you know?”
Disappointed at the rep’s incompetence & inexperience, the group of journalists on the call happily told Brad that any lack of transparency from Mazda was fine. They were all desperate for answers, and were willing to do some ass-kissing. They encouraged Brad to continue.
“Oh okay. Yeah, Cool. So anyway, I was like by the water cooler when I was an intern and some guy, I forget his name, like, Stewart maybe? He was going on and on about this new motor they were making that didn’t have pistons, or something. I asked him how it didn’t have pistons, but then I just kind of spaced out.”
There was a long silence before a member of the press asked him to clarify further.
“Oh! Yeah, I mean, I don’t really remember anything else. It was a Friday and the night before I had like nine Naturdays with my boys, haha.”
There was another pause.
“Stew definitely said something about it though.”