GM Gutted as Plans to Make more Stupid Pre-Bailout Shit Delayed Another Decade

DETROIT–Upset with the economic ramifications concerning the COVID-19 pandemic, GM’s CEO Mary Barra held a press conference Thursday morning to share unfortunate news with the public.

“We had a Trax SS going with a sideways LS.” said Barra, staring off into the distance as if shellshocked. She waited another moment, silent and unblinking as reporters badgered her with questions. She seemed completely unaware of the commotion from the audience for a short while. After a few more seconds, she snapped herself out of it and pointed to the hand of a waiting journalist.

“You said there was going to be a Trax SS, were there any other SS models planned?”

Barra winced as the reporter finished asking his question. She seemed physically uncomfortable as she leaned down to the microphone to respond.

“Yeah, every model.”

“Every model?” the reporter confirmed.

“We had an AWD 300hp Sonic SS” she said, pausing for a moment. “Trailblazer SS too–sideways LS in that.”

Barra seemed more and more downtrodden as the questions continued. After confirming the existence of a CT4-V with a brand new supercharged five-cylinder engine, she was overwhelmed.

“Alright… I gotta go… No more questions, please.”

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