Quarantine Edition Camry Just Jerks You Off and Pours Shots

Resolving to maintain sales during the COVID-19 pandemic, Toyota plans to release a modified version of their popular Camry sedan called the “Quarantine edition”. Toyota sent us details of this new options package in the form of a heavily censored video late Sunday night.

The video features the new Camry which comes from the factory without wheels. Toyota says the car will be delivered to the customer and placed on blocks in their driveway. To further encourage social distancing, the Camry has no transmission or drive gear, just a large alternator to power the Tesla-style 32 inch monitor that’s been affixed to the dashboard. Toyota says this new entertainment system supports all of your favorite streaming services and comes pre-downloaded with, “A lot of porn.”

The Camry also has a mechanical arm that emerges from the dashboard and gives the driver a handjob. The system includes a digital companion similar to Amazon’s Alexa that inquires about the status of the driver’s genitalia by asking “How is your penis, sir?” in a robotic female voice. Toyota assures us these inquiries exist only for legal reasons and won’t turn you off.

The same mechanical arm can also be set to pour liquor into six Toyota-branded shot glasses (that are included with the car). The Japanese automaker says they cant legally include alcohol with the vehicle, but their roommate Kyle’s brother lives close-by and has a fake, so he can hook you up.

The vehicle is set to go on sale in early May, with some auto journalists worrying that isn’t soon enough. Toyota says these worries are unfounded, as sales of such a vehicle would be exemplary even if a pandemic was not going on. Auto journalists still weren’t sure though. Many claimed it should be released as soon as possible, citing concerns surrounding, “Toyota’s finances, or something like that.”

We asked a Toyota representative how they reacted to these concerns, and they assured us the vehicle would be released as soon as all of the extensive testing on their end was completed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s