DETROIT, MI – On Friday, using his authority under the 1950 Defense Production Act, President Donald Trump ordered the General Motors to start producing “Altoids Mango Sours,” a candy discontinued in 2010. The president tweeted:
“Altoids stopped making Sours even though people loved them. WHY? Maybe Mary B. at GM can stop spending money on USELESS, POLLUTING ELECTRIC BATTERIES and use their tremendous factories to help! Start making Altoid Mango Sours NOW!”
Why the president wants Altoid Mango Sours back in production isn’t clear, but the sweets have recently found a cult following, with the mango flavor in particular fetching high prices on eBay.
“Warheads are too sour & dont come in mango. Americans deserve BETTER! $55 for a half empty tin is TOO MUCH!”
GM held a hasty press conference this morning, where CEO Mary Barra cautioned that the automaker may struggle to get Altoids into production:
“We have literally no confectionery experience from any point in our 112 year history. Our factories are not designed to comply with food safety measures, but we are working harder than ever to bring Americans these ‘curiously strong’ candies in this time of need.”