WASHINGTON, D.C. — Providing financial relief for economically displaced workers, the Trump administration confirmed last week it will send a check to several million Americans. That is, every American except one man who recently purchased a 1971 Datsun 240Z for a whopping $310,000.
“This decision shows a level of fiscal irresponsibility unlike anything we’ve ever seen,” said president Trump. “You have the crash of 2008, you have the Great Depression…and then you have this.”
Examples of the model can be found for sale for as little as $6,000. Mint specimens can creep into the $50,000 range and higher, but it is exceedingly rare to encounter a listing asking even 25% of what the man paid.
“We are all struggling,” the President continued. “From landlords to cashiers to CEOs, we’ve all been affected by this crisis in some way, and we all need help.”
“Except that asshole. 300 grand for a 240Z? He’ll be fine.”