Car Bra Addresses Negligible Risk of Barely-Visible Scratches by Covering Entire Front Fascia with Eyesore Garbage Bag

SCOTTSDALE, AZ — Preserving the condition of paint no one will ever see, local dad Kevin Bridges reportedly fitted a bra to the front of his 2015 Toyota Camry he recently purchased from CarMax.

“Gotta protect her from rock chips,” he said, noting the infinitesimally small possibility a jagged mineral formation might suddenly hurtle directly toward the front clip of his car and make sufficiently forceful contact to cause significant damage.

“Paint chips are especially noticeable on a white car,” he continued, apparently unaware the addition severely compromised the appearance of his vehicle, “so I got the bra to prevent that.”

The bra is black and covers the vehicle’s entire front fascia. An LE trim, the car is devoid of any black trim from the factory.

“One day I’ll take it off,” he said with no intention of ever removing the bra, “and you’ll see — it’ll be good as new.”

We polled dozens of used Camry owners, and not one ranked “slightly better condition front fascia” as important in their purchasing decision.

Bridges concluded the interview by suggesting he will purchase a set of loose-fitting, coarse-feeling seat covers in the near future.

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