NYIAS Postponed Following Fears Subaru is Going to Put Up that Weird Forest Shit Again

NEW YORK–The organizers of the New York International Auto Show were privately delighted Tuesday afternoon as the global Coronavirus outbreak proved to be an excellent cover for the real basis behind the show’s untimely postponement. A series of leaked emails revealed the actual reason behind the cancellation to be the organization’s growing disapproval of, “that weird-ass forest shit Subaru puts up every year.”

The emails–leaked only in plain text–reveal the organizer’s burgeoning annoyance with, “the whole woodsy adventure, golden retriever shtick.” Many in the chain of emails also complained about Subaru’s lesser downstairs setup, saying that the dogs the Japanese automaker brought were always “yappy” and, “shit everywhere.”

“I mean this virus thing is clearly out of hand, but it’s also pretty convenient.” said one organizer.

“Yeah, and I mean, we couldn’t just tell Subaru not to come. Then we could be missing that vital Vermont demographic” said another.

We asked Subaru of North America’s PR team for comment on this topic, but they only responded with a selfie of the whole group kayaking while knitting wool sweaters for their pets. We pressed them harder, saying we knew a small, local brewery nearby that had a great IPA. After we gave them the address, they said they “didn’t really care bro haha” and then inquired if we knew a place to find cheap head gaskets.

“Don’t you work for Subaru?” we responded.

“oh haha yeah that’s right man.”

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