Top Five Reasons Why You Should Buy My Mate Rudy’s Vauxhall Corsa 1.6 GSi

My mate Rudy’s gopping wife is making him sell his positively brilliant Corsa GSi. It’s a 2013 model and it’s in great nick. Rudy doesn’t even let his kids in it. Only takes it out on properly dry Sundays for a spin about the country.

You want to ring him? Mate, Rudy’s on holiday down in Calais right now. I can tell you more but you gotta keep it quiet. I’m really giving you the inside line on this thing before he posts it in the classifieds.

Right, I mean, first of all:

Rudy is a top bloke

I’ve known Rudy since primary school. He’s not gonna try and scam you or anything. He’s an absolute top bloke and he just needs to get rid of the thing. He’s not trying to flip it for profit or something dodgy, just trying to get it off his front drive.

Interior is right posh

Mate, he practically details the bloody thing every weekday. Has a little brush in the glovebox to get dust off of the knobs and the aircon vents. One time we stopped down Nandos and he wouldn’t let me back in until I scrubbed my hands clean. Always makes me kick off my trainers before I sit in it.

I bet some NASA scientists would love to have some like, proper experiments in there. As soon as they saw how clean that GSi is they would be like, “Right then, sod the lab, we’re off to Rudy’s Vauxhall for this one.”

Rudy lives in a dodgy part of Sheffield so it might get nicked

I mean, the spot Rudys’ living right now is a bit shabby. Kids are around just walking off with people bicycles and the like, you know, stealing from shops. That GSi might just get a window taken out, or maybe somebody will just straight nick it. Rudy would go absolutely mental if somebody nicked his car. He would be much happier knowing you bought it, mate.

Its got loads of kit

It’s got aircon, heated seats, transmission is standard of course, wing mirrors are heated, I think he only left out the sunroof. It’s got the red bits on the seats, so you know it’s a real GSi. I think Rudys’ probably still got the window sticker, he’s just that kind of bloke. I’m sure he’d give you a look when he’s back.

Rudy drives it like an absolute pensioner

Mate, he drives this thing like he still remembers the war. It’s only got like nine-thousand miles on it, he get’s the oil changed every two thousand, and he doesn’t take it out when there’s even a bit of a drizzle. Never gotten pulled over or anything, car’s in absolute perfect nick. He’s not slamming through the cogs, clutch isn’t knackered to death, it’s all sorted out.

If you’re interested, I’ll give Rudy your number when he gets back so he can ring you. Then you can have a look at it. He’ll probably take you for a go as well. Cheers mate.

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