Mall-Crawling Jeep Owner Not Sure What Beadlock Is but Angry at Suggestion His Is Fake

GLEN ROCK, NEW JERSEY–Growing ever irritated at confusing comments suggesting his beadlock is fake, local Jeep owner Brad Cairns exploded at his local weightlifting gym Thursday night. He Insisted that whatever “bees lock” was, it had no relevance to his Jeep’s capabilities. He vented his frustration to several other equally confused gym members, who attempted to research what stinging insects possibly had to do with their trucks.

“Bro, it says here honeybees might be endangered soon? That is so fucked.” said one of Cairn’s friends, staring at his smartphone and musing over the possible loss of Apis mellifera. Many other members of the gym were equally distraught, with some saying they planned to build an apiary in their yard to prevent this.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” said Brad, clearly annoyed at his friend’s fascination with bees.

“WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY JEEP GUYS? CAN WE FIGURE THAT OUT?”

The other gym members seemed to completely ignore Cairns, focused on staring at pictures of bees.

“Bro, it says here you can make a ten-frame bee box for only twenty bucks.”

“Yo, can you send me that link?” responded several other members, looking up from their phones at this exciting news.

“Yeah bro, I’ll post it in the boys chat, haha.”

“Hahaha yeah, the boys chat.” another member responded enthusiastically.

Cairns was furious at this point, searching “beeslock” over and over again during breaks in his veign-popping rage.

“Bros! A bee suit is only like a hundred bucks!”

Several of Cairn’s friends then gathered around eachother, comparing bee suit prices. Cairns himself was still sitting on a bench, the determined taps on his smartphone disturbed by the growing amount of anger-induced sweat seeping from his palms. After the sweat became to much for his gym shorts to absorb, he got up and stared across the room at his gathered friends.

“BROS, IF NONE OF YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME WITH THIS, WHY NOT JUST GO COVER MY TRUCK IN FUCKING HONEY? THINK YOU GUYS WOULD LIKE THAT? BEES MAKE HONEY, RIGHT? YOU GUYS ALL FUCKING BEE KEEPERS NOW?”

His friends all turned around, looking at Cairns silently. One then finally spoke up.

“Brad, don’t cover your car in honey. That’s the bees food, bro. They need it for the winter.”

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