‘Moose Test’ Handling Evaluation Completely Discredited After Actual Moose Fails Miserably

Altogether invalidating the popular automotive handling assessment, the ‘Moose Test’ was found to be a complete sham early Sunday evening after an actual moose was found to be one of the worst things suited to it. We spoke to the automotive journalist (who insisted he remain anonymous) that organized the evaluation in order to get more details.

“I mean, honestly?” the journalist told us in a video call,

“We tried a moose years ago. We saw the results, but at that point, people had come to depend on the evaluation. Releasing the news that it was all just a big hoax would be horrible for our image, and for business.”

The journalist claimed that the moose’s failure had everything to do with its exceptional straight-line speed, but total lack of maneuverability.

“Once a moose gets going, it’s actually a rather quick animal. You show this moose a corner, though?”

The man rubbed his temples in frustration, overwhelmed by the amount of reasons why a moose fails the moose test.

“First of all, a regular moose has no ABS,” he made a frustrated gesture as if to imply he was stupid for not knowing this in the first place.

“Even if it did have ABS, a moose’s stability control is just way too bad to handle any kind of slide. We tried training a few with some software and a moose headset we developed, but that only produced meager improvements.”

After further brooding at his own incompetence, he explained that a moose’s center of gravity is also far too high for good handling, and on top of that, they can weigh as much as a fifteen-hundred pounds. We asked him if he thought any other kinds of animals would be better suited to such an assessment.

“Yeah! Oh yeah! We had a horse go through–it aced it. Small game like rabbits and squirrels? They were excellent. Of course, birds and the like were rather good too.”

He paused for a moment, thinking deeply.

“Rabbit test even sounds pretty good…”

“Should’ve called it the rabbit test…”

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