Ford Unveils Testosterone-Fueled Roadrage Meltdown, "'Tammy Get Back Into the Fucking Truck! Go Ahead Asshole, Call the Cops!'" Edition F-150

CORONA, CALIFORNIA–In what marketing experts have described as a genius play to the brand’s core demographic, Ford unveiled a new trim for the F-150 pickup Sunday afternoon at Monster Energy’s headquarters. The new trim, called, “Testosterone-Fueled Roadrage Meltdown, ‘Tammy Get Back Into the Fucking Truck! Go Ahead Asshole, Call the Cops!'” was met with great joy by the audience. Cans of White Monster were distributed to the crowd during the presentation, which was given by a roided-out Ford executive wearing a flat brimmed cap and Oakleys.

“Listen boys, when those fucking nerds down at marketing came up with this idea, I was fucking stoked. They gave a presentation of it in a meeting, and as soon as I realized what it was, I ran outside into the hall and started kicking the shit out of a trash can, just yelling “YES, YES, YES, YES!” as loud as I fucking could.”

The audience responded enthusiastically to this information, yelling back:

“YEAH BRO!”

“HAHAHA YEAH FUCK YEAH!”

“THATS FUCKIN TIGHT HAHAH YEAH!”

After this brief excitement subsided, the Ford representative held up his hand in a silencing gesture, and then continued speaking.

“This new trim reminds all our girlfriends what to do when you just pounded a pre-workout and some prick in a Camry cuts you off.”

The representative removed the microphone from the podium and extended it towards the audience. They responded in a frustrated monotonous tone, “Get back in the fucking truck, Tammy.”

“That’s right, boys,” the rep responded.

“But fuck that noise,” he continued, “Who wants to see this thing for real?”

The crowd’s response was biblical, with residents a county-over later filing noise complaints with their local police departments. Several members of the audience cracked open their cans of White Monster, and began spraying it on each other like Champagne. Soon, the entire audience was soaked with the energy drink.

The curtains rolled back, some fog was released, and the truck slowly rolled into view. As it began to poke its nose out of the artificial smoke, a slightly overweight woman wearing a tank top appeared from behind the truck. She had a nose ring and small gauges in her ears. She waved at the audience.

“NO, FUCK! GET OFF THE STAGE!” the audience yelled at the Tammy.

They began to boo the woman until she grew upset, and said she was going to her mothers house. The truck continued to roll out onto the stage as the enthusiasm resumed.

As the vehicle came into view, the entire audience was red in the face, holding onto the man adjacent to them, jumping up in down with glee. A huge screen above the curtain began to show snapshots of the interior as the pearl white truck came into full view.

The area above the glovebox had a placard attached that stated, “STAY IN THE TRUCK!”, and the carpets had the Monster insignia embroidered into them. The car’s shifter had also been replaced by a behind-the-bar tap handle for Four-Loko.

Gradually, the audience grew quieter. It appeared as if members of the crowd were passing out in large numbers from the sensory overload of the new vehicle’s features. The Ford representative who had been standing next to the F-150, equally as excited as the audience, did not notice this. He eventually passed out from excitement as well, collapsing on the stage.

There was complete silence for a few minutes as everyone at the scene quietly napped. Then, a panicked Tammy returned to the scene, fanning her face as she looked over the peacefully snoring crowd of people.

“OH MY GOD! BRANDON!”

At this exclaimation, half the audience suddenly awoke.

“Tammy get out of here! Get back in the fucking TRUCK!”

Leave a Reply