WASHINGTON D.C.–Dismissing remarks that his Dodge Charger was only the paltry GT trim, President Trump took to Twitter late Tuesday night to protest what he deemed was unfair treatment by Democrats in Congress. Although sources were not able to confirm the drivetrain of the president’s Dodge, he did appear to be hiding something.
Minority Leader Chuck Schumer claimed he and House Speaker Pelosi attempted to cordially engage Trump about the engine in his Charger, but the President became very defensive. They say he sat on the hood so that it could not be opened, and then repeatedly claimed the car had a 5.7L Hemi.
Following this tweet, the Minority Leader addressed the Senate early Wednesday morning, saying, “We walked over to his car, saw it had 5.7L Hemi badges on it, and we attempted to talk to the President about his vehicle. As soon as we asked to see the Hemi under the hood, the President refused, saying the latch was broken. This was clearly a lie. The American people deserve to know the facts.”
House Speaker Pelosi had similar remarks, telling Congress, “I said to the President that it probably wasn’t broken, the latch was just sticky. Myself and Minority Leader Schumer informed him that our Charger’s hood latches sometimes get the same way. I then explained, ‘Donald, the hood cable on these Mopars just binds a little sometimes, let me try and Jimmy it open for you,’ but he refused.”
These statements were followed by a tweet from the President, where he appeared to be backpedaling:
The controversy wasn’t just contained to the impeachment hearings, either. Although Elizabeth Warren’s only automotive interest appears to be getting the Suzuki Jimny imported to the U.S., former Vice President Joe Biden seems to have taken personal offense to Mr. Trump’s remarks:
A day after this tweet, in a campaign speech in Mason City, Iowa, Biden further challenged the President’s claims, saying he would face Trump in a drag race “for pinks” to prove his point. Trump has yet to respond to Biden’s challenge, with aides supposedly warning him that not only is Biden’s Corvette is a 427, but the former Vice President yanks gears like a sixteen-year-old.
We asked Biden’s campaign to confirm this synchro-abusing rumor. To our surprise, the candidate himself responded, claiming, “Me and Barry used to smoke punks all the time on Pennsylvania Avenue.”
“Passed some souped-up Datsun like it was in reverse once. Kid looked like he shit his pants.”