Domino’s Enters Automotive Fray by Releasing Electric Crossover with Fucked Up Cheese All Over the Goddamn Box

ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN–Entering an extremely competitive segment of the automotive landscape, Domino’s Pizza joined the car business early Wednesday morning after unveiling an in-house electric crossover at their Midwest headquarters.

The compact vehicle–dressed in trademark Domino’s livery–will allegedly come with standard features such as a 22″ touchscreen, a hands-free liftgate, and fucked up cheese that slid off the pizza during transit and solidified in the corner of the box.

The brand’s CEO explained the new features at a press conference held at the unveiling.

“Not only will we offer a myriad of standard features, but the new Domino’s crossover will have an unparalleled four-hundred miles of range! And if it’s not delivered on time? It’s free!” The company’s CEO exclaimed, receiving a hearty bout of laughter from the audience.

He then rattled off a series of other features the vehicle would include, such as heated seats, automatic high-beams, and only two pieces of pepperoni even though you asked for extra at least twice.

“We’re gonna make sure that the sauce tastes like Tostito’s mild salsa! That I can guarantee!”

The price of the new vehicle was also announced–the base model starting at $89,995. After some uncertainty from the crowd, the CEO reassured the audience that, although the initial price may be a little steep, the sausage you asked for will undoubtedly have the consistency of a stale gumball.

“And the crust on this thing is gonna be like chewing gum! God forbid you ask for peppers and onions you stupid fuck!”

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