LOS ANGELES, CA — Uprooting a longstanding tradition and hierarchy, the Chevrolet Suburban recently became the fourth-most-plasticky recipient of a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.
“The top five spots have been uncontested for decades,” said a reporter for the Los Angeles Times. “We predicted a long, long time would pass before someone — or something — with this much plastic inside would get a new star.”
Previously, the top positions on the list were held by big-name pop stars such as Michael Jackson, Steven Tyler, and Dolly Parton, each of whom remained chart-toppers for over twenty years.
“It’s gonna be really tough to unseat the Suburban,” the reporter said. “Chevy managed to get plastic in places even Mitsubishi wouldn’t have thought of.”
According to official records, Chevrolet will have to facelift the Suburban at least five more times to climb into the third spot.
Critics of Chevrolet’s current design language have been vocal even despite the star-studded achievement, particularly on social media.
“You can totally tell it has Botox,” said one Facebook user about the SUV’s current front fascia. “Look at those fake dimples.”