Elon Musk Confirms Tesla Semi-Truck Stops Will Have Rapid Charging, Great Food, Smoking Hot Robot Hookers

Although the timeline for Tesla’s semi-truck is uncertain, Elon Musk announced this morning that the California company would also be constructing hundreds of truck stops. Musk stressed the stops would have all of the modern amenities truck drivers demand, as well as some new twists. We contacted Musk for an interview over the phone, and he promptly accepted.

“We have Guy Fieri making a special menu for the stop’s restaurants,” Musk told us.

“We’re gonna release all of the dishes in a big cookbook called ‘grease bistro’–it’s still a work in progress, but were taking deposits on it now.”

The tambour of Musk’s voice indicated he was excited about the new stops, and it didn’t take much prodding to get information out of him.

“We just finished development on a new type of fast charging that will allow drivers to go twenty hours straight, take a quick fifteen-minute breather, and get right back on the road.”

The most controversial of the new ammenities described was the addition of robotic prostitutes, which Musk insisted were, “Not just some electric arm that jerks you off.” The tech billionaire went on at length during our call to describe them to us.

“They’re all gonna be perfect dimes. Not even like, ‘girl next door’ type hot. I’m talkin’ the hottest robot ladies you’ve ever seen. No ‘uncanny valley’ type stuff, either.”

Musk told us that they would be cleaned regularly with a garden hose, and that he had worked out several of the design kinks on his own time.

“I mean I spent a bunch of time with these things. They’re actually pretty good conversationalists–at least as good as Siri. They also don’t smoke cigarettes, or steal your wallet.”

According to a map Musk shared with us, The stops are primarily going to be on the west coast, following I-5, however several stops are also planned along the northeast corridor. Musk made it clear that the prostitutes would have distinctive personalities on each side of the country. The west coast robots would be more free-spirited and easy going, while ones on the east coast would, “Still be cool in like a quirky New England kind of way.”

Musk added that as well as being kept at the truck stops, the electronic prostitutes would be for sale soon, and you could put a deposit down now to reserve one.

We politely declined.

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