“What? A Four Door Electric SUV Isn’t Actually A Mustang?” Says Ford CEO, Making Down Payment On New Yacht

Immediately following the reveal of the new Ford Mustang Mach-E Electric crossover, B/T was granted an interview with Ford’s CEO, James Hackett. Although our chat was brief, we were able to get some important questions answered.

“What do you mean it’s not a Mustang?” Hackett said, standing on his desk while loading the ceiling above him with a fresh flood of wadded cash. He glanced down at us.

“I don’t trust banks.”

We asked again how this new vehicle could possibly be a Mustang.

He came down off of his desk, and gestured at us to wait while he dialed his smartphone.

“Hey Gary?” Yeah, It’s Jim. Start laying down the keel. Yeah–Yup–Okay, great.”

He looked back up at us. “Yeah, wow. I just can’t believe that. Wait a minute.”

He stood up and walked to the edge of his desk, pulling a one hundred dollar bill out of a tissue box and blowing his nose into it.

“You’re saying this four door, electric crossover, that only really has taillights in common with the Mustang, isn’t actually a Mustang?”

He crumpled up the soiled money and threw it into a wastebin.

“That’s crazy!”

He sat back down at his desk, sliding open a drawer. He produced two miniatures of the current Mustang GT, and the new Mach-E. Placing them side-by-side on his desk, he began to scratch his head.

“Wow, yeah! Why would we say that was even close to a Mustang?”

He gave us both a patronizing look, and then produced an extra large Mustang branded mug from under his desk.

The mug was only half full of coffee, but Hackett also revealed a pitcher of hot water. He tasted the coffee inbetween additions of water.

“Still tastes like Mustang to me!”

“That’s still Mustang!”

“Ooh getting a little weak now!”

“I think we could still get away with this!”

“Tastes like a new place in the Hamptons!”

He tasted again, his expression losing some vitality.

“Maybe Florida?”

He gave a final pour, took a sip, and looked up, surprised and disgusted.

“Atlantic City?”

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