Fans Concerned as YouTube’s TheStraightPipes Mysteriously Goes Amish

TORONTO– Despite pushback from subscribers, hosts of the popular YouTube channel TheStraightPipes Yuri and Jakob announced that they’re going completely off the grid. In a video that neither of them apparently filmed or edited, they reviewed the most expensive horse-drawn carriage in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. Although not yet released, B/T was granted a sneak peak of the upcoming video.

The video begins in the conventional StraightPipes manner, however instead of a car, they are both standing abreast a Lancaster grey-top buggy.

“I’m Jakob!”

“I’m Yuri!”

“And we’re going for a drive!”

Dressed in full Amish regalia, they simultaneously jumped into the buggy.

Instead of the usual intro with growling engines and high-speed rolling shots, the buggy was drawn past a stationary camera by a single horse. The camera then cut to a shot of the buggy’s interior, with both hosts sporting straw hats and long beards.

“2019 Lancaster Horse and buggy!” Yuri said excitedly, pointing at the camera.

“This one is the most expensive you can get, almost ten thousand dollars! Let’s see what it’s got!”

The view switches back to the exterior of the buggy as the horse is enticed into a faster trot, passing the camera car. The view then returns to the interior.

Jakub now addresses the camera. “You might be asking, hey guys, what are you doing all dressed up like this? Well, after getting banned from r/cars on Reddit for self-posting a tire comparison, we decided to go full steam ahead with unplugging! Check us out!”

Both hosts excitedly showed off their new white Henley shirts and suspenders.

“We’re road testing the best wagon out there, and no it’s not an RS6!” Yuri said. “It’s ten grands’ worth of the hottest horse-drawn goodness money can buy!”

“So what’s this thing got Yuri?”

“What’s it got? Let me get you up to speed!”

The camera quickly cut to a drone shot of the carriage being pulled down the road, and then returned to the interior.

“It’s got the big wooden wheels, with 3/4 inch rubber!”

“The three quarter inch? Wow that’s some serious ride quality!” Jakub responded.

“Yeah! It’s also got the easy-ride springs, and the double-drawer mug holder, with coin tray! Its got LED headlights and blinkers too, which I’m not so sure about.”

“Why are not not so sure about the headlights?”

Yuri looked at Jakub confused, like he was asking a stupid question.

“This electrical stuff makes me think about spending less time in my tight knit community, and with my family! I’m just a little suspicious of it!”

“Yeah, nice! True!” Jakub responded.

The vehicle continued down the road as the hosts addressed the buggy’s engine.

“So Yuri, even for ten grand we still only get one horsepower?”

“Right? For ten grand I was expecting better! Doesn’t really matter how fast we’re going though. We never have to go very far!”

“That’s true!” Jakub responded, “Really, we never have to leave Lancaster county, ever! Why would we want to? Maybe once for Rumspringa!”

“Haha, that’s true, Jakub! We don’t want to violate the Ordnung!

The buggy took a right turn down a narrow dirt road.

“We need to make sure we all work hard, too.” Yuri said. “Hard work is the best way to strengthen one’s faith!”

Jakub agreed, and both of them high-fived’.

Looking at the length of the video, we realized what they meant. The review of this buggy was very thorough, clocking in at five hours long.

“What about space in the back?” Yuri asked.

Jakub crawled into the back of the buggy.

“Plenty of space for everything! Lots of kids, a butter churn, a scythe, what else could you ask for? It’s like a barn back here!”

“I wish they could make these things as fast as barns! I love it!”

We skipped to the end of the video, not willing to watch another 4+ hours worth of such Amishness.

“Anyway!” Yuri said, sitting in the passenger seat. “We don’t accept electronic messages anymore! Wanna tell us what you think about this 2019 Lancaster style grey-top buggy? Feel free to send a letter to the address in the description!”

“No more Patreon, either!” Jakub added.

“Just mail cash!”

The video ended with the usual music, but the montage contained both hosts plowing fields, churning butter, and taking other horse drawn buggies to the ragged edge.

One thought on “Fans Concerned as YouTube’s TheStraightPipes Mysteriously Goes Amish

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s