JD Power Compares Buying New Dodge Journey to Losing Game of Tic-Tac-Toe

In an unusual change of pace, this year JD Power introduced an award for the vehicle most likely to be purchased by somebody who would probably lose a game of tic-tac-toe.

JD Power clarified what they mean in a press release, saying its a vehicle bought by people that “don’t know any better, but not in a ‘haha funny’ kind of way”. They also provided their reasoning for selecting the Journey as the first vehicle for this award to be bestowed upon.

“If any single part of the 2020 Journey could be selected to receive this award, it would be the interior. The budget Dodge’s interior reminded many staff members of the food court at a bowling alley. The switch-gear seemed to come from a child’s fisher price cell phone, and the shifter reminded us of what it felt like to stir a now lukewarm and coagulated pot of chili.”

After also bestowing the award of “Smallest difference between pre and post-facelift styling” on the Journey, they detailed their opinion of the now decade-old Journey’s exterior.

“The vehicle’s exterior is dated to say the least. Many of the staff said it reminded them of the latest and greatest dishwasher 1987 had to offer… In the opinion of the editor, it looks closer to a mix between an airport luggage tractor and Artie Lange’s nose.”

The editor was not kind to the drivetrain either. In addition to saying the whole car felt like it was cast from melted-down soup cans and fishing tackle, he said the transmission shifted, “like a cargo ship changes direction” and the engine, as well as comparing the standard horsepower to their average leasee’s credit score, felt as if it was giving absolutely everything it had just to maintain idle.

Dodge has dropped all but one engine and transmission combination for the 2020 Journey. All that remains is the base four cylinder engine, backed up by a four speed automatic transmission. Journey enthusiasts were crushed by this announcement, which is to say at least one person accidentally retweeted the terrible news.

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