Volkswagen Unveils Pumpkin Spice Jetta

Capitalizing on a demand from their consumer demographic, Volkswagen announced late Monday evening they would be adding a “Pumpkin Spice” package to the 2020 Jetta.

The new trim level comes after VW previously canceled plans for a “Summer Vibes” Jetta, sponsored by Whiteclaw alcoholic seltzer.

In a press release, the German automaker cited early success with focus groups as their motivation behind green-lighting the car.

“We didn’t actually change anything about the vehicle,” the brand explained.

“We just put the words ‘Pumpkin Spice’ where something like ‘GLI’ would usually go. It made a huge difference in how people perceived the car, though.”

Jess from San Diego said, “Oh my God. THIS IS LITERALLY ME.”

Kelly, Anna, Ally, Katie, Kayleigh, Rebecca, Sarah, Jamie, Hayleigh, Monica, Melissa, and Liz also had similar things to say. Actually, they all said that verbatim. The rest responded with various quantities of the ‘heart eyes’ emoji. Those were the only two types of responses recorded.

The package is only four hundred dollars on top of the regular Jetta, fifty of those dollars being a prepaid Starbucks gift card.

“We told them they got a free fifty dollar gift card if they paid another four hundred for the package. They all liked that a lot. To them I guess that’s like saving money?”

The package is set to be released next week, with the first round of cars going to ‘Instagram Influencers’.

The press release explained this was not for purposes of marketing. It was instead because they would’ve felt guilty accepting money earned by selling almost-certainly-bullshit homeopathic medicine and essential oils.


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