“Smart summon works fine!” Insists a Cloaked Elon Musk, Throwing Smoke Bomb and Dashing Away

In a press conference outside of Tesla headquarters early Friday morning, Elon Musk apparently became fed up with reporters after receiving a barrage of questions pertaining to the company’s new ‘Smart Summon’ technology. The controversy was triggered by Tesla’s version ten software update, which included the feature. Several clips have since surfaced online with vehicles involved in accidents or near misses. Some videos also showed cars driving on lawns, and up curbs. Reporters were quick to voice their concerns.

Elon musk exited the front door and approached the podium, looking tired. After a short statement, the floor was opened for questions.

“Yes, right there in the front.” Musk directed.

“Mr. Musk, it seems like this new feature was released a little early, before all of the kinks were worked out. Why was it released when it was?”

As the woman spoke, Musk could be seen removing a Five Hour Energy from the podium, and quickly consuming it.

“We released smart summon in conjunction with the version ten update.” he responded.

The press pool was quiet as they waited for the beleaguered executive to continue, but he spoke no further. He pointed to the next reporter without speaking.

The man snapped out of his confused trance. “Hi, uh… Yeah, is it true this feature was released early to compete with one soon to be introduced by Mercedes?”

Musk looked the man up and down, and then appeared to stare straight into his eyes. His intense gaze continued for around thirty seconds, and then he looked away, pointing at the next reporter.

Members of the assembled press were completely befuddled. They looked around at each other, making sure they were all experiencing the same thing. The previously specified reporter then spoke up.

“Hi, Steven Garnish from Teslarati.com. Do you have any comments on being the smartest, coolest guy on the planet? Also, can you officially christen our website as your personal propaganda mouthpiece? One last thing; What would it take for you to call me a stupid bitch, spit on me, gut punch me as hard as you could, and then push me off of the stage onto the ground?”

“Tweet that.” Musk responded.

The man frantically produced his phone and tapped out the message.

“Done!”

Elon then produced his own device, and retweeted the message. He then silently pointed to the next reporter.

“Jack Tracy, Car & Driver. What do you say to claims expressing that you’re releasing this technology, that can decide between life and death, in it’s shaky beta phases? Even if you claim the technology is being misused, isn’t it your re-“

“Stop!” said Musk, with a threatening look on his face. He frantically produced a long black cloak from behind the podium.

“Everything is fine! The technology is fine! The cars are fine!”

“But sir y-“

“It’s fine! Works fine!”

Musk quickly produced a golf ball sized object from a pocket in the cloak.

“It works fine! Do you hear me?”

Musk then raised the object above his head.

“Smart summon works fine!”

He threw the object at the ground, instantly producing a dense cloud of grey smoke.

A distant “shit!” could be heard as Musk was seen tripping over the cloak as he ran back inside.

One thought on ““Smart summon works fine!” Insists a Cloaked Elon Musk, Throwing Smoke Bomb and Dashing Away

  1. I tried looking up IRL videos of Smart Summon failing. It’s all 13-minute videos with emojis [IN THE HOOD][GONE SEXUAL][COPS CALLED] garbage.

    One news clip about it says it only works from 200b feet and you need direct line of sight. If you’re an able-bodied person, what’s the point? *Maybe* when it’s raining, but are you going to take the risk of rain confusing visual sensors?

Leave a Reply