BMW Owners Panic As Automaker Unveils Subscription Service For Horn

MUNICH– BMW today announced an addition to their growing list of in-car subscriptions. As well as Apple CarPlay and adaptive headlights, the German brand will now be charging for a coveted asset utilized frequently by BMW owners; The horn. We reached several current owners and prospective buyers for comment.

In addition to Apple CarPlay and adaptive headlights, the German brand will now be charging for a coveted asset utilized frequently by BMW owners. We reached several current owners and prospective buyers for comment.

“What am I supposed to do now? Just wait around in traffic for it to clear?” said Jane Simmons of San Francisco.

“Everybody knows the horn makes traffic go faster. The horn is the vital lubrication necessary for traffic to flow properly.”

Michael Antonio of Fort Lee, New Jersey had similar complaints.

“So some asshole is gonna be sitting at a green light for thirteen nanoseconds, and I can’t tell him how fuckin’ stupid he is? You’re saying I gotta pay for that shit like a phone bill?”

The brand has responded to this feedback, doubling down on the new annual payments.

“We understand the concern. However, you are still free to roll down your windows and yell. If owners aren’t careful, we are considering charging for flashing high-beams.”

An indication that blinkers may eventually become a subscription based feature was met with much less controversy.

“You know uhh… I use mine. A lot, you know? I think I could just uhh, avoid it though. You know? Not always something you gotta have.”

“You’re talking about that funny wiper stalk on the left side right? The one that clicks?”

 

 

Leave a Reply