Mitsubishi Says Next Gen Mirage Inspired By That Pile of Disgusting Black Snow On The Shoulder Of The Interstate Still Lingering Thirteen Days After A Blizzard

Mitsubishi went to some dark places when looking for inspiration for the next generation Mirage, says Mitsubishi chief designer Alessandro Dambrosio.

B/T had the chance to catch up with Alessandro recently over black coffee and dry toast. His appearance was disheveled with an air of desperate helplessness. When we asked how the new Mirage was coming along, he went on to explain the apathy and discomfort that Mitsubishi wanted to instill in their maligned subcompact.

“We wanted it to be pathetic. If people could feel bad for a car interior, we wanted that to happen. Just seeing it, we were aiming for a visceral reaction. It’s still shocking to me how pitiful it is, and I designed it.”

The Mirage, in production since 1978, has long been the choice of those that desire a more existential experience in their daily commute. The car’s meager MSRP of $13,795 makes it a remarkable value, but Dambrosio’s odor of dismay left us wondering if even that price is just too much.

“The market for this thing is people that either hate driving or really don’t care for themselves, so we thought the best way to cater to them was a race to the bottom. We thought about deleting the option for upholstery.”

“The exterior? It’s like that pile of disgusting black snow, you know? The snowbank next to the Interstate that’s been there for weeks after a blizzard? The one people stop to pee behind all the time? That’s what it looks like from the outside,” he lamented.

When we asked about the new Eclipse Cross, he began to slowly collapse to the floor and we thought it best the end the interview.

2 thoughts on “Mitsubishi Says Next Gen Mirage Inspired By That Pile of Disgusting Black Snow On The Shoulder Of The Interstate Still Lingering Thirteen Days After A Blizzard

  1. This is fake. I know for a fact that nobody designed the current mirage. One day they just started showing up on dealership lots and in strip mall parking lots missing a hubcap and full of empty wrappers. It was decided that investigating, returning, or possibly burying them in a mass grave in new mexico like unsold atari cartridges was simply not worth the money or the effort. Now you can pick them up in whatever mitsubishi dealerships haven’t figured out that they are supposed to be closed down, by trading in a jenga set or unused light bulbs left over in a pack. They will also probably accept a skunked six pack of miller lites.

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