Late Thursday night B/T received an anonymous email titled “Chris Harris Bus Review”. The email had no body, only a short video sent as an attachment. We watched it and were amazed at what we saw.
The video opened with a shot of a school bus, gradually making its way down a sunny suburban lane. The video then cuts to a view of Chris Harris, behind the enormous wheel of the machine.
“For a long time people have wondered… What’s it really like to drive about in a school bus? Well, it’s eight in the morning here in this sunny suburb of Houston, and we’re going to take some kids to school.”
The camera then cut to a time-lapse of Harris driving until he reached his first stop to pick up the giddy students.
As he arrived, the view came back to Harris seated behind the wheel. The first student stepped onto the bus, looking confused.
“You’re not Mrs. Perry! Where’s Mrs. Perry?”
“Oh Mrs. Perry is sick, I’m Mr. Harris. Just popping in for today to handle the driving.”
A child standing in line behind the curious boy then became impatient.
“Daniel get on the bus my legs hurt you idiot!”
“Shut up Ryan!”
The ever-curious Ryan then gave a distrusting look to Chris Harris, and continued to his seat. The time lapse continued as several more students boarded the bus and asked similar questions. The film then returned to normal speed as the last student boarded, and Mr. Harris closed the bus doors with a switch. He then took off down the road.
“This particular bus is a Bluebird Vision from 2006. It has a hefty 7.2 Liter diesel engine made by CAT, and a six-speed automatic gearbox.”
“This simply massive steering wheel makes you feel like y-“
Before he could finish speaking, a stray piece of bologna landed on his head with a smack, and several students in the back of the bus could be seen giggling.
“That was my lunch Thomas! Give me that back!”
Harris then removed the bologna from his head, and spoke into the bus’s intercom.
“Come on then, who threw that bit?”
“You talk funny!”
All of the children then erupted into uncontrollable giggles. A frustrated yet entertained Harris put down the intercom, and continued describing the bus to the camera.
After several more stops and a multitude of confused children, the bus was finally en-route to school. Recognizing that Chris Harris would only be their bus driver for one morning, the young passengers gradually became extremely rowdy. What started as loud conversation slowly morphed into a rapture of screaming, hyperactive children.
Harris at this point was yelling to address the audience.
“You see, we got the big one! This is the six meter wheelbase that holds as many as sixty children!”
More lunch meat and miscellaneous school supplies could be seen being hurled about the bus in the background. Harris took several hits from discarded string cheese and clementines as he was bobbing and weaving to avoid the elementary school shrapnel. He once again picked up the intercom.
“Come on then! Settle down! Only few more minutes to school!”
The children, realizing they would soon arrive at school, became intensely disappointed and began to actively target Harris with their erasers, crayons, and culinary missiles.
The scene then ended, and cut to the children beginning to egress off of the bus as the pudding stained Harris picked up the Intercom for a final time.
“Alright then children, nice ride, here we are.”
“Thaaaaank youuu Miiister Haaaarriiiis.” The children all responded, in cheerless unison.
“Right then.” Harris said, as the doors hissed shut.