GENEVA — Taking great care to compete in the infinitesimally small market niche, Mercedes announced Friday they will soon unveil an AMG 53 variant of the coupe SUV based on the four-door coupe version of the two-door coupe version of the popular E-Class sedan.
“The new model will be called the Mercedes-AMG GCLS 53 Coupe 4Matic Edition One Designo Package,” a spokesperson proudly declared. “It will feature the same turbocharged inline six-cylinder engine and auxiliary electric motors as the other AMG 53 models in our lineup.”
“But it’s a completely unique vehicle occupying its own niche. We want to stay competitive in the market, and our lineup had a gap between the eleventh- and twelfth-smallest of our nineteen SUVs.”
Mercedes offers an SUV based on each of their standard sedans: the A, C, E, and S Class, along with coupe versions of each of those, except the GLS.
“However, the market for SUVs based on the four-door coupe versions of the two door-coupe versions of those cars has been untapped. Until now.”
“We realized we need to have SUVs based on cars like the CLS,” the spokesman continued.
“We were inspired by the 2019 Chevrolet Blazer,” he admitted. “It occupies nearly the same market position as the Equinox, but it looks a little cooler.”
“We had to get in on that.”
The AMG GCLS 53 Coupe 4Matic Edition One Designo Package is effectively an SUV version of the outgoing CLS, which itself is based on the E-Class, but sacrifices some utility for a sleek, swooping body.
“Think of it as a more sporty, stylish GLE,” the spokesperson says. “But not quite as much as the GLE coupe. And a hair less impractical. Oh, and a tad more upmarket.”
The starting price for the AMG GCLS 53 Coupe 4Matic Edition One Designo Package was confirmed to be $115,499, which is about $5,000 more than the AMG GLE 63’s base MSRP.
“This price structure ensures the prestige of the CLS-Class relative to its E-Class sibling is maintained when the subject matter is translated to SUVs,” the spokesperson said rather sternly.
The press event concluded with a statement from Mercedes that a similar model based on the smaller CLA-Class, the Mercedes-AMG GLSA 35 Coupe Edition One Designo Package, was in the works.