FRANKLIN, TN — Scrambling to cease manufacturing of the aging model, Nissan announced at a press conference Saturday that they have canceled their 370Z roadster. The news comes after over a decade of uneventful production.
“We had no idea this thing was still being made,” the spokesperson said, still catching his breath from scrambling about Nissan’s headquarters. “It was supposed to be canned after 2012.”
“We signed a deal to build it for three years. We didn’t realize it would be built on autoplay afterwards. I thought only YouTube did that! Should’ve read the goddamn terms and conditions.”
The spokesperson paused to wipe the perspiration from his forehead and guzzle an entire bottle of water, stopping before he finished it to pour the rest on his head.
“There’s no way we’d purposely let a car get that old,” he continued. “You’d have to be a complete imbecile nowadays to buy this over even, like, a Toyota Solara.”
“And the tech? You’d be better off with a GameBoy Color.”
According to sources, a representative of Nissan’s finance department spent over 45 minutes on the phone with their credit union in an attempt to stop the recurring monthly charges.
“We were on hold for almost an hour,” the spokesperson griped. “Then they said it would take up to thirty days to process our request. Bullshit!”
“We don’t know how we can sell another month’s production of these things. It’s kind of like a college student sliding spoiled leftovers to the back of the refrigerator instead of just throwing them out. Even rental fleets don’t want them anymore.”
Another man in a grey Nissan polo briskly walked by the press pool, immersed in a tense cell phone conversation. Sources indicate he was attempting to inform several factories of the news.
“We’ve begun to inform our dealerships and pull corporate advertisements,” the spokesperson said. “If you see a dealer running an ad, please contact us and we will take appropriate action.”
“We cannot in good conscience advertise this as a new car.”
“We deeply apologize to those who purchased the 370Z new in the years following 2013,” the spokesperson said. “Our greatest condolences to the victims of this catastrophe.”
Following the conclusion of the conference, sources indicated Nissan would sell all remaining 370Z coupes as used vehicles, and price them accordingly.