WASHINGTON– After weeks of speculation, President Trump announced reasoning behind the abrupt end to Camaro production. The news came to the ears of the public in a departing statement on the tarmac outside of Airforce 1.
“As you all know, we have been working very hard, very hard… With General Motors, to ensure we can supply enough valuable, important, American jobs, in Detroit.”
“The Camaro… I love the Camaro. We all love the Camaro. Don’t we? What a classic, American muscle car it is. Classic American muscle.”
“However, to ensure the future of General Motors, and my…Lunch… We must move to cut production, so that we can stay competitive at home, and abroad.”
The president then leaned away from the microphone as he finished speaking.
He pointed to a reporter in the audience, “Yes, CNN.”
“Yes, sir, what is this you’re saying about your lunch? What does Camaro production have to do with your lunch?”
“You see, Jim, we tried to make a deal, with GM. We tried to make a deal. They said to us, ‘How can we bring down the price of pork? How do we do that?’ They couldn’t figure it out. What I want is, a McRib. Okay? Remember? The McRib? It has been gone so… so long. You may not remember it.”
“We wanted… I wanted…”
“Sir this is a-”
“Excuse me. Excuse me. I’m speaking.”
The president then raised both his hands in some manner of incomprehensible gesture.
“We told General Motors, as long as the McRib is gone, the new Camaro cannot happen.”
“One more Question. Please, only one more question.”
“Sir have you spoken to McDonalds on this matter? What do they say about this deal you’re making with GM?”
“They like the deal. They think it is a good deal. I keep telling them, ‘Hey, I just want a McRib sandwich’. I want it to come back. I want it to be back… Forever. To get the pressure on them, I told GM, ‘No Camaro until the McRib is back, like, and I mean, forever. Forever people. It’s been gone too many times. Far too many times, and for far too long.”
“Anyway, anyway, we will see what happens. We will see what happens, people. Thank you, thank you.”
The president then turned around and walked back towards Airforce 1, as reporters continued to yell and ask questions about his obsession with the processed pork sandwich.