WOKING, UK — Ushering in a brief new era of performance, McLaren confirmed that its new GT supercar will reach 60 mph and complete obsolescence quicker than any of its rivals. We sat down with a spokesperson for details.
“It’s quicker to 60 miles an hour than the F1, and the tech features will be rendered totally defunct in as little as one year.”
The spokesperson clasped a cup of tea with both hands and lifted it toward his face to drink.
“We benchmarked all the competition,” he continued. “Aston Martin Vantage, Porsche 911 Turbo, the lot.”
“The GT is faster than all those cars.”
He took a shortbread cookie off of his tea coaster. As he bit into the cookie it covered his shirt in crumbs.
He opened his full mouth to speak as more crumbs spilled out.
We watched as he awkwardly cleaned himself up. He began to speak again when he was finished.
“Previous-generation Porsche 911 models are still competitive today, but the GT’s technology is so advanced that it will lose its edge far quicker than anything else on the market.”
The GT’s 4.0 liter V8 replaces the 3.8 liter unit found in several McLaren models of recent years.
“That engine lasted for over eight years,” McLaren’s spokesperson said, still finding and brushing cookie crumbs off of himself. “This power plant will be surpassed, both by rivals and by McLaren itself, extremely quickly.”
The automaker’s latest infotainment technology debuts in the GT as well. A 12.3-inch screen controls such features as the navigation system, climate settings, and Bluetooth connectivity.
“This is the highest-resolution, fastest-processing mechanism we’ve developed to date,” the spokesperson said, “and we are confident it will either break or become totally incompatible with the latest smartphones sooner than any system in our past offerings.”
“Ferrari and Porsche have yet to replace their flagship hybrid supercars, but we’ve already rendered the P1 completely obsolete with the Senna.”
He took another drink of tea and looked excited as he placed the mug back down.
“Really something ‘innit?”
At the time of our departure, McLaren announced that the GT’s successor is already in the works. It is due to be released in the seconds following the current vehicle’s introduction.