Tesla released their new $35k Model 3 two weeks ago after months of promising the vehicle. After the company added the vehicle to their website, we received a press release via email concerning the Model Y.
The email claims that they have just made a massive innovation in minimalism, inspired by the livestock industry.
“For the new base Model Y, we’ve modified the interior to allow more space for the people and activities you love.”
Below this text was a picture of the rear passenger compartment of a Model Y with the seats missing. Straw and hay were strewn all over the cars floor. Also curious was the addition of a trough were the armrest used to be.
“The cheapest Model Y has a variable posture biodegradable rear seating area. It is complete with a centrally located kale slurry trough for all your nutritional needs.”
The next image was a man in a Tesla t-shirt leaning over the trough. The outside of his mouth was covered in green sludge.
“We have been working for months in collaboration with United Airlines on this solution. United says they’re going to have a ‘nasty old fella’ with a garden hose in their plane to quell any unrest. They say he’s gonna put his thumb over the end of it when shit gets really bad.”
“We appreciate that kind of thinking, but we’re just going to use dogs.”
Below this statement was a video of the system in action.
A computerized voice from the center console yelled at two young people huddled in the back of the moving car.
“Say you love the new seating arrangement! Say it!”
A German Shepherd fixed to a chain in the front seats barked and lunged at the people as they huddled in the corner.
“It’s perfect!” One of the people shrieked. The dog lunged and got dangerously close to their feet.
“Say you like the kale slurry! Eat it you piece of shit!”
One of the passengers leaned over the trough and forced the substance into his face with his cupped hands. The car hit a huge bump and the green mixture went all over the vehicle.
The man drinking the slurry hit his head on the ceiling of the car and came back down on the other passenger.
The computerized voice piped up, “Five more minutes for the rebate!”
The dog continued to bark as the car began to accelerate extremely hard.
“Lay down in the straw! Tweet Elon and tell him you love it!”