PARAMUS—Local man Todd Stewart sent us an email Friday recounting an experience he had driving earlier in the week.
“I was driving on the parkway towards the Garden State Plaza, with my girlfriend and her friends in the car. They all wanted to go to Bed Bath and Body works or some shit. I just figured I could get cinnamon pretzel. Anyway, I was pulling off the highway and did a perfect sequence of matches, all the way down from sixth to third. I was so fucking hyped up.”
The tone of the message then changed.
“I slowly realized that everyone else in the car didn’t give a shit. They didn’t even notice anything happened. They were all staring at their phones. All while I looked around excitedly to see if anyone saw what I just did.”
“When we got there I kept trying to explain how I used the gas to raise the revs between shifts. None of them even knew what I was talking about. Might as well have been speaking Arabic.”
“My pretzel was also fucked up. Thing tasted stale. Put a damper on my whole day.”
“I need to get a rear facing dash cam or something.”