Ford Says The New Focus ST Will Come To The US As A Five Passenger, Automatic Crossover With Front Bench Seat

DEARBORN—In a press release Wednesday, Ford responded to criticisms about the new Focus not coming to the US, and continued to provide what they called, “Good news for enthusiasts everywhere”.

“After receiving valuable feedback about the new fourth-generation Focus, we have made a decision to move forward with bringing it to North America. As of today, the new Focus and Focus ST will arrive in the US.”

“Small changes have been made to slightly broaden its market appeal, but also stay true to the enthusiasts. The vehicle has been given new lifted suspension, turning it from a boring hatchback into a dynamic and exciting crossover. We have carefully tuned this suspension so that enthusiasts will enjoy it’s sporty handling, and the elderly will compare it to their old Galaxie 500.”

“The engine has been re-tuned as well. The European spec 270 horsepower has been tuned down to 220, increasing fuel economy on spirited drives up twisty mountain roads. New bespoke 15 inch wheels are also standard, giving a more supple ride and athletic stance.”

“Other updates include a re-tuned version of our dual clutch transmission. We switched the clutch material from 60 grit sandpaper to 120, and it has made a huge difference. The front bench seat lacks the bolstering of the previous generation, however we will be providing buyers with optional Velcro pants to stay hunkered down in the corners.”

“When we went over these details with a group of current ST owners, we had great reactions. Some began to cry in sheer joy. One man threw up in the office garbage can, insisting that he loved it, and just ate some bad tuna.”

“Others just stared into space without emotion. They were stunned over the new vehicles fantastic dynamic abilities. Those thousand yard stares were incredibly inspiring to us, and we hope to get more feedback like that moving forward.”

 

 

 

One thought on “Ford Says The New Focus ST Will Come To The US As A Five Passenger, Automatic Crossover With Front Bench Seat

  1. haha, good thing this didn’t basically happen in the real world already and ford didn’t make goofy “ST” versions of vehicles like the explorer and edge. I’m excited for the new 3 cylinder fiesta ST and the 2.3 engine in the new focus ST. I can’t imagine what it would be like if our market fell for that crossover and SUV craze the manufacturers thought was the future of the USA LOL.

    Like

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