In An Allegedly Subversive Move, McLaren Claims Their 2019 F1 Car Will Be, “Complete Shit”

SURREY—Zac Brown of Mclaren announced today that the team’s new Formula 1 car for 2019 will be, “Really bad.” and, “Actually like, complete shit.”

Analysts at Autosport are saying that this is comparable to what Renault has said of this upcoming season. They claim that the 2019 season will be for “development”, and that championship contention will not be expected.

Peter Windsor of Autosport says, “Mclaren appears to be ripping a page right out of Renault’s handbook, although taking it a little further.”

“We expect Renault to be in contention for the top of the midfield. With Mclaren saying that their car is going to be total shit, we can expect they will be in contention with some middle tier Olympic sprinters, or some particularly athletic pigeons flying next to the track.”

He continued, “Rumor is Mclaren has come up with a new, ‘zero optimism’ policy for their drivers and mechanics. The drivers cannot say anything optimistic or joyful if they finish better than expected, and they’ll only be allowed to smile at press events. The mechanics will also be tied to chairs until the cars come into the pits, so that they cannot celebrate overtaking. The Mclaren drivers will supposedly be taking classes with Kimi to perfect their technique.”

“I suppose that at least Carlos Sainz sounds a little like Alonso, and we’re used to hearing him constantly disappointed.”

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