Bugatti Engineers Say They Took Inspiration From Jet Fighters, Rental Cars In Quest For Record Breaking Speeds

On Monday morning we received a manilla envelope from the Volkswagen corporation. It turned out to be the technical information we requested about the new Chiron. We tore it open and began to read.

It all seemed pretty normal until we got to a section titled “Hertz collaboration”.

The section showed various graphs and pictures explaining how Bugatti Engineers attempted to understand the immense speed of rental cars.

One image had a man in a labcoat installing an aftermarket navigation system onto the dashboard. The subtitle read, “Adding the aftermarket navigation showed top speed gains of 5 to 10mph, while strangely showing no increase in power on the dynamometer.”

Another paragraph explained how they made the test driver wait 3 hours to actually get the Chiron, even though he, “Specifically requested a four passenger all wheel drive!” They explained the time inbetween shifts was enhanced by 100ms when this procedure was followed.

The final paragraph claimed, “The single largest increase in performance came when the test driver returned the car and forgot to fill it up with gas.”

“He disputed the charge on his credit card, and we picked up a full second to sixty.”

Bugatti claims all of these procedures must be completed before the car leaves the test facility, or the car performs, “Like a bone stock, automatic Neon on a 150 shot of nitrous”.

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