Jeep Says You Want The New Gladiator In The Same Way You Would Probably Have Sex With Helen Mirren

TOLEDO—In a press conference Tuesday, marketing executives at Jeep described the strategy behind selling the new Wrangler pickup.

“Look at this thing. You know you want it. It looks hot.”

“But we know the problem.”

“It’s a Chrysler product.”

The man took a brief pause.

“Think about it this way.”

“You would totally fuck Helen Mirren. Sure, she’s like ninety right? But just look at her. She’s still at least an 8 or 9.”

“You might pop the hood and find that everything doesn’t look quite right, and it might be a little awkward to get her started.”

“We aren’t saying you wouldn’t have to think about it.”

He paused again.

“But we do think at the end of the day, really there’s no shame in it.”

“You may not have it that long, or hell, it may not even be too reliable. “

“But you would want to be seen with Helen Mirren, right?

The press at the conference stared blankly at the executive.


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