Volkswagen Announces New, “Ditsy College Bimbo” Package For 2019 Jetta

In an email from Volkswagen delivered this morning, they outlined their newest package for the Jetta. They say it’s aimed at, “Dumb sorority girls who don’t know any better”.

The email states Volkswagen plans to capitalize on this new market by giving this special edition Jetta a variety of unique features.

“The package starts with the color. Only white is available. We decided to have white as the only option because our market research showed ditsy college girls actually exclusively buy white Jettas.”

“The car is equipped with a battery of sensors and probes to detect when snow is on the ground. When it detects snow, the car just shuts off and calls Triple A.”

The email hinted that this feature was primarily for keeping other drivers safe, not the driver of the Jetta.

“The car’s blind-spot warning chimes are also twice as loud, the navigation system defaults to Chipotle, and of course it’s automatic only.”

“And the paddle shifters aren’t connected to anything.”

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