New Mercedes Christmas Commercial Celebrates What It Must Be Like To Piss Away Eighty Grand

During a meeting with Mercedes Benz USA’s marketing division, we were able to discuss what the thought process is behind making their Christmas ads.

The meeting began with a slideshow narrated by a marketing executive.

“Alright first thing you’ll notice, is that the car somehow ended up in their driveway with the wife never knowing. That’s important.” We quickly asked how that works. “Uhhh who gives a fuck? It’s a surprise. Shit just gets there. Next slide please.”

The next slide was another still from the commercial.

“Now look, no kids. That’s also important. You’re not gonna buy your dime trophy wife a new Benz if you have some dopey looking kids running around. No kids.”

“Next slide.”

“Everyone in the commercial has to be at least a nine. Poor fucker who just dropped eighty grand on this thing has gotta believe he’s gonna look like that.”

What about the big bow?

“That shits like five hundred bucks!”

At this point the entire conference room burst into rapturous laughter.

“And that light up badge is like a two thousand dollar option!”

The entire conference room laughed themselves to tears, they reached for tissue boxes which appeared to be completely filled with hundred dollar bills.

We sat confused for the rest of the meeting while the entire marketing staff continued to laugh uncontrollably while uttering, “Two grand!”

“Two THOUSAND dollars!”

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